Sue Clearwater's Blog (30)


No sooner do you celebrate a birthday these days and the next one seems to be just around the corner. I remember when I was a kid and time moved so slow, birthdays took forever to come around. The slowest were the milestone birthdays of course. I remember when I was 10, I just couldn't wait to turn 16. "Sweet 16" as everyone says, and I remember being so excited, I'm sure I drove my family crazy. The funny thing was, by the end of that first week of being "sweet 16" I was feeling a little…


Added by Sue Clearwater on May 31, 2013 at 7:01am — 1 Comment


I have no words to describe the pain that I have felt in my heart. Watching what Leah has had to suffer and never truly being able to help her, other than being there for her, it broke my heart... plain and simple it broke my heart. Honestly though? I know it was never enough... all of our late night or all night talks, it was a band-aid solution at best. Don't misunderstand me, Lee and I have always had a great relationship and we have been there for each other through the very best and the…


Added by Sue Clearwater on February 28, 2013 at 5:48am — 4 Comments

The Aftermath!

Well it's been a little while hasn't it, since I said I would let you know how I faired. Let me start by stating the obvious... I "physically" survived my night at the movies with Seth, though I'm still tempted to check under the bed or behind the door every now and again. Don't even get me started on high I've jumped if a breeze comes through the room and a door starts to swing shut or open in response. I know that all sounds crazy but when you are as frightened of scary movies, as I am.…


Added by Sue Clearwater on January 30, 2013 at 5:17am — 2 Comments

The Things One Does!

Closing my eyes briefly, my hand still clutching the door handle, "C'mon Ma, that won't save you", Seth chuckles as he pries my fingers from the door, and leads us straight to the front counter. "You never know", I mutter but further discussion is temporarily thwarted by the ever smiling young Stacey and Seth moving across to the ticket window.

"Hi Mrs Clearwater, what can I get you?" Several suggestions including "Please hide me", flit across my mind but I smile and order a large…


Added by Sue Clearwater on October 31, 2012 at 1:27am — No Comments



We are halfway through Summer and I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time that I am happy. Not just content but truly happy, that is not always an easy thing to say... but there you have it, I am.

Maybe it's the fact that Seth has transferred to the local college and is home once again, I am sure that is a large factor. Also, for some unknown and mystical reason, he and Leah seem to be actually getting on a lot better these days. I no longer constantly…


Added by Sue Clearwater on August 5, 2012 at 2:57am — No Comments

One Of Those Rare Afternoons.

You know those rare days when everything just seems to run along smoothly? Well I definitely had one of those days. The weather was perfect as I drove to work and who can ask for more than that! The twins Maddy & Tim were celebrating their 7th birthday and Julie (their Mom) was there waiting for me, mail in hand I might add... bless her. Jule's chatted while I…


Added by Sue Clearwater on June 16, 2012 at 2:57am — 2 Comments

Goodbye Letters

In the grand scheme of things, we are all only here for the blink of an eye... each and every one of us. (with the exception of certain company)

Unfortunately, as the years pass us by... we have to say goodbye to the ones who leave us behind. It doesn't matter whether you think you are ready or not, the hurt and pain of losing a beloved family member or friend will leave you feeling like your are gasping for air and turn your world upside down. And each time you experience a new loss,…


Added by Sue Clearwater on June 9, 2012 at 1:33pm — No Comments

In Time...

I awoke with a gasp, my heart beating one hundred miles a minute and that horrific sense of knowing that everything is not alright... You always assume that when you wake from a nightmare that everything will be ok. Right? What if waking up to the reality is far worse?

I felt like a stranger in my home, hell I felt like an intruder in my own life. Apologies, for I would normally not use such language but at this moment... I am beyond caring.

We tip toe through this house and…


Added by Sue Clearwater on March 4, 2012 at 2:10am — 1 Comment

Our first camping trip.

"Sue....... Have you seen my new fly?" Rolling my eyes as I continued to pack Seth's clothes, "Take a look in that third drawer Harry, the one in my grandmother's dresser". The rattling continued from downstairs until I heard a triumphant FOUND IT! And then, "Why do we have a hockey puck in here?" followed by..."Now if I can just find my favourite hook to go with it", he went back to muttering as the telephone rang in the background. "Daddy's funny", Seth laughed as he wandered around the…


Added by Sue Clearwater on March 2, 2012 at 4:23pm — 1 Comment


Emily's eyes flickered as I knelt down beside her... her eyes were searching my face as though she needed to pour out her heart to me. "Shh Emmy, everything is going to be alright, no talking ok". I smiled reassuringly to her and nodded to Jarod to keep her still as he cradled her gently in his arms. As an experienced nurse I was used to seeing trauma, but this was different... this was Emily! It wasn't just that I had known Emily since the day she was born, she and Leah had grown up like…


Added by Sue Clearwater on January 17, 2012 at 3:39am — 1 Comment

My Christmas Wish.

Like most children growing up, I would sit down before christmas and write my "Dear Santa" letter, outlining how I had been on my best behaviour that year and because I had been such a good girl, "Santa could I possibly have the following....". And now this year with Christmas day fast approaching and my own children well past their own "Dear Santa" letter days, I find myself writing not a letter to Santa but a Christmas wish in my journal.

"My Christmas Wish....

That each of…


Added by Sue Clearwater on December 23, 2011 at 5:30am — No Comments

My Halloween Fright.

I have never been a fan of horror films something that my family and friends are well aware of. It has been a yearly tradition for some time now, for myself and Liseli to go into lockdown so to speak on Halloween. After the majority of trick-or-treaters have made the rounds we seek refuge at either's house and relax with a glass of wine a bowl of popcorn. Of course we also like to watch what we would consider to be an entertaining Halloween movie. Of late our yearly tradition has included…


Added by Sue Clearwater on November 15, 2011 at 7:16am — No Comments

The Angel Oak.

There are memories that we have from our childhood that we keep with us till the day we die. This is one of those memories....

Every summer for as long as I could remember was spent holidaying on the Res, but not this year... I had just turned 11 and we were going to Charleston, South Carolina to visit family. I was the first one packed and immediately started bugging everyone to see if they were ready yet and if not...then why and how much longer did they think they would be.… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on October 15, 2011 at 6:34am — No Comments

Our Family....What we had, and How we came to be.

I can't remember a time when I didn't know Harry, we grew up together, but we certainly didn't always like each other, a typical boy he would throw rocks at me, then turn around pretending it wasn't him, I remember he even pulled my hair once in the 3rd grade, I shook my little fist at him and I told him if he ever touched my hair again, I'd break his nose, and with a firm nod of my head I walked away, it must of worked to a degree, he sort of left me alone after that.

Of course all… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on July 8, 2011 at 4:10am — No Comments

Above all else.... I will miss my friend.

Over the years I have witnessed the miracle of life and the sadness of death. Never once though did I stop and imagine myself in that situation. The thought of anything happening to Harry or the children was inconceivable and therefore never thought of. Call it what you will denial, avoidance but the simple truth of the matter is I just couldn't see my life without them, whether your talking of three years away or three days away... when I thought of my life it was always centred around my… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on June 15, 2011 at 4:05am — No Comments

No One will Ever Know....

No one will ever know

the pain within my heart,

the tears that I still shed for you

since we were torn apart.

Your memory still lives on each day

in the many hearts of friends,

but three lost souls will miss you

until their journeys end.

This year will be our fifth one now

without you by our side,

the tears will fall and our hearts will break

as sure as the ever flowing tide.

Your fishing pole and tackle… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 24, 2011 at 5:17pm — No Comments

Lost In the Chaos!

No matter where you are and no matter what you are doing, the sound of a child crying will nearly every time turn every mothers head. And even if it is not your child crying you cannot help for that one small moment to look for your own.

The sound of this particular child crying caught my attention instantly, it wasn't Seth but he sounded just like him and at the exact same time Leah was tugging on my shirt, "Momma, I can't find Seth". The curtain fabric I'd been looking at… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 15, 2011 at 11:23am — No Comments

True Colours.

As I made my bed that morning I actually thought what a wonderful Saturday morning it was and how it seemed so promising, my how quickly things can change. I hadn't even finshed making the bed, when I heard Leah calling from downstairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I couldn't believe my eyes, Leah was placing Seth onto the couch. Seth was in so much pain.....I didn't think I could take it, when Dr Cullen arrived, he confirmed his injuries and set about gently putting my son back… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on February 18, 2011 at 10:07am — No Comments

A Dream

Christmas is almost upon us and I am still recovering from the worst case of the flu, I have had in years. Seth has been kept busy with College and the shop, since I have been confined to the house and my bed.

It's ealy morning, the sun not yet up, but the promise of sunrise is there. It was Harry's favourite time to go fishing and he would stumble around in the dark, completely failing everytime at trying not to wake me up. Leah is hopefully fast asleep, but I never know with my… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on December 23, 2010 at 3:59am — No Comments

A Girl Amongst Wolves.

I had just arrived home from cooking dinner for Charlie, as I pulled my car into the driveway, I looked over to see Jacob sitting on our porch steps. "Hey Sue" a sunny smile as always graced his face, but for once it didn't quite touch his eyes. "Hey there Jake, how are you?" "Good, Good" was the instant reply, straight away I knew Jake was a tad nervous about something. "Ok Jacob Black" I smiled, raising an eyebrow, "Out with it, I can tell your nervous about something, or better still, lets… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on December 2, 2010 at 1:32pm — No Comments


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