I awoke with a gasp, my heart beating one hundred miles a minute and that horrific sense of knowing that everything is not alright... You always assume that when you wake from a nightmare that everything will be ok. Right? What if waking up to the reality is far worse?

I felt like a stranger in my home, hell I felt like an intruder in my own life. Apologies, for I would normally not use such language but at this moment... I am beyond caring.

We tip toe through this house and around each other at the moment, as though the slightest wrong movement will detinate the unseen but ever present time bomb that seems to have moved into our home and taken over our lives. Where once these walls echoed with laughter and exuded the warmth of the love that resided here, all I feel now is a coldness and an ever present emptiness... as though somebody left a window or door open and chased love away.

There are moments that shape our lives, moments that change us forever. Whether they touch us personally or from afar... our lives are never the same.

Three weeks, and four days ago I was a mother, a wife and a competant nurse with what I thought was a perfect life. Three weeks, three days and twelve hours ago Harry died..... I have been counting. I walked away from Forks Hospital a mother, a widow and with a career I was now very unsure of.

I have since finished that journal and filled five more since. We have survived and have moved on with our lives as best we can, but we did change that day and we will never be the same. In thirteen days and sixteen hours it will be six years since we lost Harry and yes.... I am still counting.

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Comment by Sue Clearwater on March 14, 2012 at 6:46am

Thank you Leo.... your kindness means a great deal to me.


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