Christmas is almost upon us and I am still recovering from the worst case of the flu, I have had in years. Seth has been kept busy with College and the shop, since I have been confined to the house and my bed.
It's ealy morning, the sun not yet up, but the promise of sunrise is there. It was Harry's favourite time to go fishing and he would stumble around in the dark, completely failing everytime at trying not to wake me up. Leah is hopefully fast asleep, but I never know with my daughter anymore. As dreadful as I felt, I managed to stay up and decorate our christmas tree with Leah the other night. I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoyed the time we shared doing this, a simple task I know, but for us and after everything we've been through in the last five years, it meant the world to me.
The house itself is warm enough as to is my room, but I am not quite feeling like my old self just yet and the mornings are not friendly to those who are still recovering. So instead of jumping out bed ready to face the world, I snuggle down beneath my warm blankets and favourite quilt and instead contemplate what lies ahead of me this day.
After a couple of fuzzy seconds and not seeing anything constructive, after getting up for a shower, some tea and maybe some breakfast. My thoughts drift to the future and what it might be. It is not an easy task to think of the future, when the love of my life is now firmly part of my past.
My perfect scenario five years from now, would see Seth & Lee stop phasing altogether, Leah swept off her feet and deleriously happy, with her own child at her feet or one on the way. I still see Lee with her yoga mat and her mediation, which has helped enormously. Of course I will still be here in LaPush and I would love to dream that my children would also stay here, but that is not my decision to make.
The morning sun is beginning to make its way from behind the mountains, but I no longer notice as the dream stays alive in my thoughts and I drift back off happily to sleep.