In the past few months away, I spent lots of time thinking of the circumstances of my departure. The fights with you over not telling me anything about dad and that day I found the picture in the basement. I still feel bad about what happened , but have forgiven myself since.…

*laughs*didn't know what to put for the title. lol. I hope all you mother's out there had a wonderful day. I did. :D mine brought me a dead rat. XD I woke up to it laying there, and was just like.....um thank you my loves. *kiss and hugs*I threw it outside afterwards. lol. Nothing says I love you like a dead rat. I played on here for a bit this morning and got to help decorate for the greatest mom in the world...Essme! That was fun! Unfortunatly I had to pick up my bro, so I was unable to…

Night time. It is the hardest time. That is the time that all is quiet, and I am by myself. Thoughts of the last two weeks reel in my head like an old movie. The dust is begining to clear, and I....don't feel a thing. Maybe it's a bit of shock still left over, but I don't know. I still have more to purge before it is over. This has been like a bad flu. ugh, i hate the flu. The night is my favorite time. It's nice, I don't have to pretend as hard. I can be myself and no one…

So, today is a brand new dawn. I am free of the control. *smiles*It's kind of an odd feeling to be free after being held back so long. It will be nice to spread these wings again. They are dusty and tattered, but they will do. :D I have to learn to breath again. My inner self was in critical care for many years, but now i can feel myself returning. And I think I will make a full recovery. *winks* I couldn't have done it alone. I am greatful to have the support that I have had. It makes me…

My dearest Judas,

This is how I will forevermore refer to you. I at least will be merciful enough to give you that much. It's more mercy then you ever showed me. I can be cruel, but I don't want to be. I had a previous post to this, but you were spared by the powers that be. The window closed. I take that as a sign it was not ment for any eyes but mine. I gave you all I could. I needed shelter from my tempet storms and you cast me out. What happens between my blood and I is…

Well, congragulations to me for winning the idiot award for the week. I messed up again, and yeah. I'm sorry doesn't seem to be quite right. *shrugs*I don't know what else to do besides that. So we shall see. In an attempt to lighten the mood, because everyone was down, I made a foux pas once more. *sighs*Well, we shall see what the future holds. Not much more to do then that. I have to keep my head up, and walk straight.

Well, on a good note, my car got fixed. *smiles*I'm so…

On March 20,i read a couple of chapters in the first Twilight Book and then i went to bed.

Then i dreamt that i was a part off the Twilight univers somehow.

I was in this old forrest, and all the time i had this feeling that i wasent alone, someone knew that i was there.

i was not scared at all, just felt this amazing feeling of love and compassion.

Then i woke up,and went to bed again and the dream goes on.

i was still in this forrest,but now it was…

Friday. A new day. The night held anxiety, and sleeplessness. I wanted to curl up and lay there. But fate had other plans. I got a txt from my friend, studio boss, asking if I was almost there. I called and said I thought I wasn't supposed to work on friday during the day? and we talked about it, and I said I would come down because I really had nothing better to do. *laughs* so, I ended up there. It was....boaring. she and linda, her mom were fighting. I ended up haveing an anxiety attack,…