Night.

[Amanda Renee Francis]

Night time. It is the hardest time. That is the time that all is quiet, and I am by myself. Thoughts of the last two weeks reel in my head like an old movie. The dust is begining to clear, and I....don't feel a thing. Maybe it's a bit of shock still left over, but I don't know. I still have more to purge before it is over. This has been like a bad flu. ugh, i hate the flu. The night is my favorite time. It's nice, I don't have to pretend as hard. I can be myself and no one notices.

I am working very hard on not being so apprehensive about myself. Conditioning. Although it is good for the hair it is not good for the brain. @.@ In light of last night's outburst, hurtful rage, I feel an awakening happening. I see old photos and I am sad, but.....it's ok. I have no more tears to cry. This was not my choice, it was hers. I did nothing wrong to deserve this treatment, except turn the mirror on you. It's not always good to see the reflection, and most can not handle it. I wish she would leave me alone. No more emails, no more being in my garden. You don't even like the flowers that grow here, so why spy? It bothers me, that you show up and five mins later i get an email? really? how old are you?

I am going to go home, lay there and as the memories of you fade, they are replaced by good ones. As I said you will miss me before I miss you. I have an ability to adapt. you do not.

I lay there knowing that I am not rowing alone that I am rowing with others, and that is the best thing I could've ever hoped for. I don't care if you are angry anymore. You can't hurt me anynmore.

I will lay in the night, and think of my good times. :D the pictures I saw, made me a little sad, but not really. That is another chapter that has ended. My story is not over yet. You have finished yours. I'm tired.