Things have changed but has it really? Sure most things have changed, sure everything changes.. But really nothing has changed? Part of me is grounded the other part is still on the run.. Constantly running. The nagging feeling of never having a proper place in this world.. Wondering what it would feel like to have someone to love me.. To love me for me.. Wondering getting tired of waiting.. Tired of hoping and praying for the same thing for it always to have…

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Everything five months ago was great! I met an amazing person and we really hit it off becoming friends fast!I was myself around her and believe it or not I told her that I was scared to get close and open up due to the fact every time I did I'd lose that person. Rayanne kept saying she would NEVER walk away. I believed her.. I opened up told her EVERYTHING right down to the deepest darkest darkest moments and such I kept inside. Unfortunately on Friday March 7,…

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I am starting to wonder if this whole school thing is worth it..  Yes I'm fully aware that to get anywhere in life I need my grade 12 diploma.  How much can one person take. ? I for one can't take it anymore.  First bullies than teaches?! How about NO!  I'm in grade 10 for corn sakes and first semester is almost done and I've been in my grade VP (vice principal) Crying and telling her "I'm dropping out!" And some other choice words in which…

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We're all dying from the moment were born. Someone once promised me when I was foolish enough to run away and start dragging the dreaded blade across my skin and watch it bleed and in the process passing out. I let her back in and trusted her after she promised she wouldn't leave.. Fact is she left like everyone else.. I so badly want to relapse and turn back to that blade but this time if I pass out will I wake up? Relapse sounds so good right now. But the emotional hurt isn't helping when all… Continue

I escaped to my sisters after school just needing some time to think everything through... My friends all having constant.. Yeah I'd rather not go there, and the fact I'm getting picked on about my religion.. Great what was next? Oh yeah the part where my sister and her boyfriend sit me down and blab at me because I'm failing.. Great.. Just what I needed.. Not really. At this point in time I'm ready to look at…

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Can Thursday March 21 come any slower? I'm so excited!! On that day I'll be baptized and will receive the Holy ghost! I've talked to my missionaries and they've told me so much about it! One part I don't like about it is wearing white and being dunked into water.. But hey I'm to excited to care! Plus at school I'll be getting the Math, English, Social, Science, and Pe academic award in front of the entire school!…

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Everyone makes HUGE mistakes! We are not labeled PERFECT by any means. But why in life must we all think that? HUMAN NATURE! Why hold a grudge against…

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Have you ever been so guilty that everyday it just eats more at you? But deep down in your heart and soul you know you can't fix it with a "sorry" because its like trying to cover a stab wound with a band-aid. The guilt feeling has followed me for a year or so even writing this blog wont change a thing but I hope the person I want to see this does. Yes I know that it wont change a thing but even now I'm more sorry then I…

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I'm not sure if I'm crying cause I'm in pain or what. It feels like my heart was torn burtally from my chest. I haven't cried this much since that day I'm still trying to forget. i've  tried over and over again to foget it but i cant seem too. Its like a nightmare that replays its self over and wont stop. i wanna forgive and forget.. but i dont think tht will ever happen.

The best people in my life make me smile, laugh, make sure I'm safe, make me happy, bring me up when I'm down or sad.. My sisters and mom and aunties are extremly good at that. They dont even have to try! But come that I'm thinking about it I've never thanked them.(One by one):

Mom: Thanks for being…

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I don't smile much. I dont smile much because I have dimples. I know their cute.~giggles~ But I only smile for certin people. ~smirks~ I smile for my sisters Cyrstal and Kimmi, only because they usually tickle me~laughs~ Which i say is cheating.~smiles~ And i smile for my mommy! because she makes me happy when I see her!~giggles~ And because she makes the best cookies ever! And I smile for Aunty Kika only because...*thinks* I dont know why. And… Continue

*Giggles* I'm not a smiley person because i have...Dimples...*hides my face* And i swear if my Aunty Erin pockes them again she wont see my smile any more*giggles* And as for Aunty Kika she hasnt seen my dimples...Until tonight she will see them and im sure everyone will make a fuss bout them*shakes my head and smiles showing my dimples* But tonight is her birthday parthy and i will let her see them...maybe*smirks…

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Growing up for me right now is good. I have my mom I love her so much she is my world. Wihtout her i wouldnt be the happy kid I am. And my Aunty Kika If its not my mom i can talk to I turn to her, and without her I wouldnt love my books!*smiles* I dont like to dance.. Well i didnt anyways but thanks to Aunty Linds she got me into dancing and put me in Hip-Hop with out her i would be still saying"Sorry I dont dance".*giggles* And my other 2…

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