Death by guilt

[Tristan Ponting]

Have you ever been so guilty that everyday it just eats more at you? But deep down in your heart and soul you know you can't fix it with a "sorry" because its like trying to cover a stab wound with a band-aid. The guilt feeling has followed me for a year or so even writing this blog wont change a thing but I hope the person I want to see this does. Yes I know that it wont change a thing but even now I'm more sorry then I could ever be beacuse in the end I never wanted to hurt her or anyone one else but knowing that I messed it all up in my childish ways I want to fix it so damn bad it burns. Yes I can't cover the bad but in the end of it all I'm slowly suffocating by the guilt I'm feeling. A wise person once told me "Stop trying to fix it, let time heal the wounds". But even then what if time doesnt heal it all? What if you have to talk it out because time doesnt heal all wounds. But in the end all I want to do is fix it because it's hurting me more and more everyday if she is reading this I dont expect her to respond because I understand what I did was so wrong you could write a million books about it but I know it takes a stronger person to fix it or at least try and thats what I'm trying to do. All I want to get across is: "Yes I lied, but in the end I hurt those around me by trying to fix it and trying to cover the lies up with more lies. Three people in my life have told me the samething "Tanisha just shut up and wait." and I've waited and now here I'am trying to get it out that I messed up and wish I had'nt.