I sat in front of my window. I did this a lot over the past few months. I had watched the grass grow than die, and cover in snow. Measuring this time seemed impossible. It felt like years and only minutes all at the same time. I wasn't sure which of the two I preferred. On one hand it had been long enough where I should be getting over it. I wasn't of course, but knowing I should be gave me an odd sense of comfort. Maybe it was because my hope had disintegrated to only a grain in the huge hole that was now Isabella Swan. But I also missed his scent on my clothes. I had worn every articular of clothing with any traces of him so often that they were now gone.

I wanted to email Alice again though there really wasn't any point. She wouldn't read any of them and I had no more words for the way I felt. I was the definition of a black hole. My misery brought everyone else in with it. My presence brought a dark cloud and no one really wanted to get wet. At lunch I found myself sitting at the empty table that was once occupied by the Cullens. It caused less damage. No one else had to get rained on but me. At home wasn't as simple. Charlie insisted on spending time with me, getting me to watch TV and eat dinner. He insisted on standing under the cloud.

He was getting worried and my skills of deception weren't enough to bring the frown lines to rest. The nightmares weren't helping either. He had ran into my room on several occasions over the past few months to my screaming. I had tried not sleeping to stop his concern but that only made it worse.

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