The pain that seared through every measure of my being was beyond anything I had ever thought possible. If I were capable of coherent thought, I would have questioned how I was still alive. I had wished I wasn't. Like tree roots, my insides twisted around each other so that they may never untangle, a permanent consequence of my actions. Each tree root a different emotion, the combination was so overbearing if I had not known better I would have thought I could not feel at all. If I had been selfless, been able to leave in the beginning, I would have saved myself this agony. The irony, in causing myself so much pain through being selfish was almost enough to cause hysterics.

... How easily she had believed me. The possibility that I would not, could not want her was so impossible I found myself unable to grasp how she could except such an excuse. This new pain, this inconceivable agony made the old burn of thirst dull and admissible. Like a dull, galling tooth ache. Enough to displease you but not particularly painful.

The myriad of voices in my head clustered together, the sound a loud hum. I could not face my family, not yet, if ever. I had to get away, to escape the ringing that was undoubtedly their concern. I unfocused my eyes, allowing the trees around me to become a blur of monotonous color. My head was blank, incapable of thinking through the build of imitational pressure that amassed from within my skull. Thoughts and regrets clotted there, and I pressed the blankness to continue with more force than should have ever been necessary, afraid of the outcome that accumulated with thought.

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Comment by Carlisle Cullen MD on April 20, 2015 at 6:57am

Eloquently written, lots of feeling here. I can relate, if that makes any sense.

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