I still feel heavy. I am getting mixed signals from my friend. She hates me but she talks to me, so go figure her psycosis. *eyeroll*mom went all buggy too. So i'm like "ok really?". I apparently forgot to go to work yesterday. Yep. I did. Litterally, I woke up and went to help move, and i saw jerry later and he said "how come you didn't come to work today?" I was all what? and he said that i said i would trade days so that i could help mama d move. I thought about it for a sec. and sure enough, I did. He called mom worried and said that it wasn't like me. which it isn't. I have never in ten years done that. Late oh yes, but no show? never. I broke down with karen, and asked if I am crazy, and she said I wasn't, so that was comforting. I feel like I am tettering on the edge of a massive break down that I am fighting very hard to control. I have one flipping moment of weakness and bam! someone decides to flush my life. I have cried since 11:30pm on tuesday night. I broke down in the middle of the freaking verizon store. silently sitting there as tears streamed down my face. If you saw my eyes right now, I'm sure you would worry. The left eye is massively blood shot, I look like someone hit me. well, feels like it. I have these wierd hive like marks around my eyes, and i'm getting a worry mark. *frowns*I should not have this at my age. I feel as if I have lived a liftime in four years. Sounds silly I know, but if you knew everything. yeah. I was talking to my very very dear friend Kestrel, and she has been with me through it all. She sent me this last night, after she had gone to bed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auDmlbaH590&playnext_from=TL&... She said she dedicated it to me. I cried. of course. I do alot of that as of late. *sigh*on a happy note I ...have to go get my bro. *laughs*be right back, and then I am going to prattle on about good things. *winks*

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