Hello My Darling *WWII Part Two* Letter to Esme

Copyright 2009/2010 by Cullens Online - This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

Hello my Darling,
I don't like to write about this war anymore than I have to and I don't like to gripe about this way of living but really, it's rugged.
After being back there at the rest camp, and seeing how people really live, and living half way decent again, if only for 2 days, this form of existence really seems primitive. Oh, I'm not saying I'm suffering any more than any other in this man's army but it's just the fact that so many things happen and are seen that I want to erase it all from memory completely yet I know that it'll be more than a while, if ever, before I can get it out of the back of my mind completely. It's going to be up to you and the kids to fix me up when I get home and I have no doubt in my mind that you can. All I need is lots of loving from you!

Lots of times when I am alone and things are dark, my mind plays games with me and I can almost hear you calling my name. I scrunch my eyes closed even tighter in hopes that your voice will get louder but it always just fades away. I am overflowing with love for you and it pains me to excruciating limits to not be able to hold you in my arms for just one brief moment.

Death lives here. He is close and grabs my patients out from underneath me. He is savage, brutal and unforgiving. I have lost patients before but the ones taken during war seem that much more precious a loss. I am not, by ANY means putting one human's life over another. I am just saying that death lives here, plays here and laughs at me every day. I wish you could kiss away this grief I have. It feels like it's spreading through me like fire.
Sometimes I get to thinking and I let thoughts get into my mind that I should never let get in there. Sometimes I allow my self to think that I might not make it back to you. I know that is not an acceptable thought to allow myself to think. It just weaves in there, undetected and attacks me.
My darling I love you more than you could ever know. I won't be happy until I once again with you and am back in your arms forever.
Please write soon. All I live for are letters from home.
Love always,
your Carlisle

Copyright 2009/2010 by Cullens Online - This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

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