Esme Anne Cullen's Blog (23)

Thoughts on Renesmee

There is nothing as wonderful as spending time with loved ones. Friday, my dear Renesmee came to spend the afternoon with me, and we spent hours in my greenhouse looking at flowers, trying to help her decide which ones she liked for her wedding.  She wants wildflowers, since she and Jacob will be married in the meadow. They have yet to pick a date, so we are not sure if anything will be in bloom at the right time, but Grandma Esme will make sure she has exactly what she wants for her most…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on June 9, 2014 at 4:19pm — No Comments

A Gift of Giving

To me, life has always been about finding ways to give back. If there is anything that I can do, with this special life I have to help out others, I am there to do it. Donating my time, money or whatever is asked is a great joy to me. To have Carlisle in agreement with me on this point makes it even more of a blessing. We often look for ways and places that need a helping hand. In our time we have donated books and supplies to many schools around the globe, helped to set up water…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on April 23, 2014 at 6:13pm — 1 Comment

373 Years Young-Carlisle's Birthday

My Dearest Love,

Another year has passed and it is time to celebrate your birthday again. This year, I have arranged for a quiet day for us, spent in this lovely cabin on a lake, well hidden from the rest of the world. There is no power here, no cell reception, nothing to distract me from showing you how very much I love you. We will spend your day getting to know one another again, talking, laughing, swimming, sharing and loving.

I hope this day is as memorable for you…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on February 9, 2014 at 4:57am — 1 Comment

Football...Yes! Football with Emmett

Super Bowl Sunday is a big day to me. I love football! I know, it seems out of character, that I would enjoy the game. I have to thank my son Emmett for introducing me to it, teaching me what it was all about, the combat between the teams. When they started to televise them, you would find me and Emmett in front of the TV glued to every game we could watch.


We got to attend our share of games as well, as long as they were at night or in bad weather. Our Super Bowl Sundays…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on February 2, 2014 at 4:51pm — 2 Comments


Carlisle and I were married 92 years ago today. Each day has been an adventure. No matter where we have been we have been together, in heart if not in person.

Both of us have been so busy recently, we haven't had a chance to get together with our friends and family. With the year winding down, we are looking back and seeing that. We are hopeful that the new year will bring us more time and opportunity to share with all of our children, and our grandchild.

As for celebrating our…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 31, 2013 at 5:41pm — No Comments


Mother’s Day is always a hard day for me to get through. It reminds me of the little life I tried to bring into this world, and lost. I fought so hard to keep him safe, to hide his existence from my brutal first husband.  I thought I had succeeded. It has been so very long. I know that by this time, had things gone normally, we would both be passed on and our time on earth but a memory to the family we might have gone on to have. Tales would be told remembering Mama Esme, Grandma Esme. Maybe…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on May 12, 2013 at 6:02am — 6 Comments

A Night With You (For Carlisle)

Relax, strong angel, and clear the rings of your mind

You decorate my heavens and lift my heart.  Pour out

Your fluid light to me.  Bend, be secure, I hold your

Warmth.  With no buffer, I swallow your being.  Roll with me

Reach where is contained a wisp of soul.  Work on

This craft, a shard of passion disappears as we wrap together.

Enfolded in your world, my vision floats backwards

Holding you softly, I inhale your smooth scent, rising…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on March 31, 2013 at 7:23am — No Comments

My First Gift To Carlisle

The first time I was able to help Carlisle celebrate his birthday was not long after we had been married. I hadn’t been with him and Edward for long, but I had observed and learned some of his habits. When the time came around to get him a gift, I knew exactly what to get him.


He would spend hours outdoors, walking or sitting, taking in the beauty of nature. I know he spent time thinking about his patients, thinking about what he had become, what he wanted yet to be. I also…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on February 9, 2013 at 7:06am — 1 Comment

Bear Hugs and Family Life

 Rosalie brought us Emmett, and he had her completely wrapped around his finger, although to most it looked to be the other way around. When she found him near death and he referred to her as his angel that was all it took to remove the honed edge she had lived on since Carlisle turned her. With Emmett at her side, she began to focus on new dreams, putting the old ones away, somewhere deep. Emmett seemed to bring a new life and vitality to the whole family, his curiosity, quick smile, and…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on January 31, 2013 at 5:00pm — 2 Comments

Begin Again

With Edward’s return, Carlisle felt it was time for us to move on. The danger, he explained, was in staying in one place for too long. Since we did not change, there was a limited amount of time we could afford in one locale. Since Edward and I appeared more alike that he and Carlisle, we chose to say that Edward and I were siblings.  Carlisle applied to a few hospitals and when he went to interview with them, I would scope out the houses for sale, looking for something suitable for our…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on January 16, 2013 at 6:33pm — 1 Comment

The Way It Should Have Been

We chose to be married on December 31, 1921. We thought it the best way to end out what, for me, had been a bad year. Edward stood as witness with us at the Justice of the Peace, the JP’s wife as our second. I carried purple orchids and wore a short dress, not quite a flappers dress but in a similar fashion, with lace accents. I wish I could tell you what Carlisle wore, but I was so entranced by the happiness on his face I don’t remember. There were no pictures of him, just one pose of me,…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on January 12, 2013 at 8:15pm — No Comments

Love Comes

November passed with me learning better control of my lust for human blood. I found myself finding reasons to be near Carlisle, finding a warmth in his eyes and smile and a strong bond of trust. Edward entertained us with the piano and we all took turns reading to each other from Shakespeare’s Sonnets and occasionally reading a play or two. Other authors found their way into our hands and some nights, we sat playing cards and games. Carlisle taught me to play chess and soon, I was beating…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 26, 2012 at 8:29pm — 3 Comments

Fear Undone

I had not anticipated the difficulty of the journey to Ohio. I started out at the railway station but the overwhelming smell of the human blood almost drove me to a frenzy. I made it two steps in and had to force myself to run out. I ran off into the streets, flames of thirst scorching my throat, burning away the reason Carlisle had tried to teach me. I found myself in an alley facing a thug with a knife. I didn’t have to have Edward’s talent to know what he was thinking and before he could…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 18, 2012 at 5:30pm — 1 Comment

Cautionary Tales

I worked at keeping my plans from my mind whenever I knew Edward was around. I didn’t want him to know, or to tell Carlisle. I busied myself cleaning the house, arranging the furniture and going out to walk when I felt my thoughts intruding.  Carlisle found me out walking and joined me, never saying a word. He would point out flora and fauna, telling me what he knew about them. I found myself distracted and intrigued by him and wanted to know more of his history.


When I…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 16, 2012 at 8:45am — No Comments

Vengeance Planned

My adjustment in the first few days was spent learning from Carlisle abut vampires. It took some getting used to, the fact I didn’t get tired or need sleep, the speed and power. My newborn hunger was ever present, though, and there were many hunting trips. Carlisle and Edward both explained that they didn’t feel it necessary to attack humans when the animal blood did just as well to slake the thirst. I could see it was easier for them, having been this way for much longer, since I felt the…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 15, 2012 at 9:36pm — No Comments

Everlasting Awakening

I was confused. Everything felt like it was electrified, as if there were a summer storm in my brain. Colors were so intense, I thought if I touched them they would spill onto me. I could smell things I never noticed, the earth, grass, a bird, and…strangely, pears and lavender.


I could hear every heartbeat, the breath of creatures I couldn’t see. What I didn’t hear were the heartbeats of the two men standing in front of me.


I knew Doctor Cullen, although I…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 12, 2012 at 3:31am — No Comments

Time No More

There was nothing. I lay at the shoreline at the bottom of the cliff, broken in body and spirit. The will to live had left me, and I wished for the end to come. I knew it hadn’t happened yet, as I was aware of the sounds of Lake Superior, the wind, the wildlife. But I saw nothing, felt nothing. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to, and that was fine with me. I wished to become a part of nature now, and to disappear in her embraces.


I heard the people find me, the sounds of…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 11, 2012 at 5:58pm — No Comments

An End of Time

That feeling of hope followed me into Illinois then Wisconsin. I arrived at my cousin’s house and received a warm welcome. Being with real family again was good for my soul, and as I started to show in my pregnancy, the spark of hope fanned.


Just before Christmas, I found out that Charles had discovered where I was and knew I was carrying his child. The family gathered and planned a way for me to leave before he arrived to collect me. They were going to tell him that I had…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 10, 2012 at 6:52pm — No Comments

Out of the Frying Pan

With Charles’s return home, my world became gray and bleak again. His attitude hadn’t changed, if anything, it was worse. He had learned in his time away how to hide what he was doing to me, making sure not to leave a visible mark. Although he didn’t realize it, there were visible marks on me, noticed in my demeanor.


Knowing it would be suspect if he returned and we suddenly shut off our charitable work, he allowed us to continue. He was a smart man, and realized that Papa’s…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 10, 2012 at 3:10am — No Comments

Beaten Down

The wedding was planned and executed, and on December 19, 1917, I became Esme Anne Evenson. We didn’t honeymoon with Christmas so close, but there were promises of travel to come. Since Charles had only been renting a room to live in, we stayed at the farm with my parents. Charles insisted we take a room at the opposite end of the house and on the third floor, away from my parents to allow us some privacy. We did spend the first two nights at his rented room. Mama had talked to me about the…


Added by Esme Anne Cullen on December 9, 2012 at 7:19pm — No Comments


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