When the past & present outshine the future.

[Carmen Denali]

It is not often that I find myself walking along the beautiful wide halls of our home alone and undisturbed, yet here I am. As I begin to pass by one of the large windows, the golden rays of sunlight on the newly fallen snow catches my attention and with no conscious thought I curl up on the comfortable window seat, to gaze in awe and wonder at the beauty that lies before me. Each ray of light dancing across the snow in such perfect harmony. The light capturing each frozen droplet of water like suspended tiny crystals as they hang from the needles of the nearby fir trees.

Wrapping my arms tighter around my knees as I hug them closer to my chest, I marvel at the beauty of Winter, my favourite season and all that it represents, Christmas, family, friends and the memories of many christmas's long since past. My thoughts always drift back to Vienna and my very first most perfect christmas alone with Eleazar our apartment, our first tree, snow angels, red and gold silk and the unmistable look of love in his eyes when he asked me to be his wife. Before I answered, I took a moment and paused to capture every second of it like a still frame memory, so that I would remember every detail, every scent and as I gently lifted his chin, smiled into his eyes and said "yes", I knew as he slid his great grandmothers ring onto my finger, I had captured it perfectly and would keep it with me forever.

While my memories will last forever, my beautiful winters day will not, the weather will eventually warm again and with it bring Spring. A season to me that has always represented future hope, new life and new beginnings and although my life as happy and perfect as it is right now, I find myself filled with a sudden sadness as I look beyond today and the end of this year and realise what the possible future may mean for us in the next 5 years or so.

We have been in Denali and more recently Forks for some time now and though I may be tempted to ignore it, the inevitable will occur and we will bid a sad farewell to our beautiful Denali home. Although it is not a permanent goodbye, it saddens me nonetheless. It signifies the end of many friendships, knowing they will have passed from this world upon our return makes the thought of our eventual homecoming bittersweet. If Eleazar and I decide to spend some time on our own, something we haven't done for such a long time, the goodbye's with our family are not forever and will never carry the same pain.

With the forests of Wienerwald on our doostep, it is the perfect location to continue our chosen way of life, until we join our family once more. In between Eleazar's many projects and the welcomed serenity of our Vienna home, I will no doubt be in danger of disappearing into my own little world that exists only on canvas, until my husband intervenes, pry's the brushes from my hands and carries me from the studio, you may laugh but it has happened.