I have lived for over three centuries and yet at this moment, I feel as helpless and as hurt as any human may feel.
How many times can a heart break in the space of a breath.
"No Carmen,.... I'm sorry".... These are some of the last words I heard as my heart shattered, "I cannot come back".... I had never thought it was possible to hear my husband utter these words.
I didn't know what to say, let alone what to do, my whole world and everything I thought I knew in my heart to be true was crumbling down around me. "I love you, I always have...and always wil". A pain and sadness of which I had never known, with no means of escape, quite literally was threatening to bring me to my knees.
For the last three days all I had been longing to hear was the soft sound of my husbands velvet voice whisper my name, to tell me how much he missed me. that everything was ok and that he was on his way home. The reality of hearing his voice filled with so much anguish and hearing the finality in his words will haunt me till the end of my existence.
As we stood there alone, surrounded by the beautiful gardens the ever present shadow that is the Volturi castle, loomed behind us. I had come to the realisation with every aganozing second that passed, that I would have to walk away. There are no words to describe how I felt in that moment. My family, Tanya, Kate & Garrett were three of the most important people in my life, but my husband knew me like no other. As I leaned in to rest my forehead against his chest, I took his hands gently squeezing them in mine ...and in those last few precious moments, I allowed over a century of memories to flood through my mind. As I released his hands and backed away, I choked out one last plea.... that he not say goodbye.
From the very first moment that Eleazar had taken my hand in his, I knew I had lost my heart.... but as I turned and walked away that day, the cold hard truth descended, there was no longer a place for me in his life.... and despite his words of love, I was leaving Italy alone and leaving behind the only man I had ever and would ever love.
As we drive back through the surrounding countryside of Volterra, Katie & Garrett are travelling in the front, so it is left to Tanya to comfort me as best she can. With her arm gently secured around me, I have no words as I stare silently out the window. As with any situation that one faces in life there is always a conclusion and with the cruelty of speed that humans do not posses my mind has already reached the end of this one.
With a clarity as clear as the Italian night sky, my course is now set, I have always known that I would not continue in this world without Eleazar. As soon as possible, my family would find a letter explaining my departure to Vienna and although saddened they will give me the peace they would believe to be in my best interest.
There is no earthqake and the stars in the night sky are not exploding, everyone else's lives will go on. Just not mine.