The One Day that my Life Changed from Happiness to Fear

I will start out by explaining what happened before I explian my feelings. I promise all this is real. It was in the news in Iowa and I believe Minnasota. Also in the newspaper which Sarah W has seen because I showed her.

 

On Thursday at my school, Clear Lake High School, There was a special ed- kid at my school that said earlier this week to some friends that he was going to bring a gun to school. He ended bring one, but didnt get to do anything. Luckily someone reported it and he was investigated and caught. He is now in juvie and I have been told many times that i am safe. Thoughts keep lingering and I cant get my head on straight.

 

Feelings-

I cant think straight. There are too many things that are rushing though my mind. Im not usually like this, always looking out, always on edge ready to sprint out of my school. I used to love it here. Always with my friends, having fun, laughing and giggling, not caring. My mom told me to be strong in my Faith. I know that she is right, but I just have questions. Why us? Why my school? Why do I have to go through the fear that this could happen again, but instead someone actually getting shot?

 

Last night I had a brief dream of me risking my life for my friends. I was shot in the dream for some of my best friends.

 

That thought now never leaves my mind. I know nothing happened, but I always think of the what if's. What if some of my friends could have died or got shot. What if I got shot or died. What if tore our school apart. And last, What if we couldnt recover. Night happened and still Im so scared. I started crying last night when my dad yelled at me for being up so late, but I couldnt help it. I was so scared to turn my back that I couldnt close my eyes with out any tears getting in the way. I ran into my room screaming and crying after he yelled. I layed down and started to calm down then my cat, Patches, jumped on my bed and scared me to much that I started balling.

Nothing happened.. But I still cant think or focus. I tweeted last night and said... "Always live life like its the last day of your life because you never know what that day will come... It may come soon then you think."

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Comment by Destiny Julip on December 21, 2010 at 7:21pm
Oh gosh Erin, I am so sorry!
Comment by Hannah Rose Monson on December 20, 2010 at 10:01am

Friday sucked. Thank GOD he's nowhere near CL. I don't want him back at school with us. They won't let him, but still. I just feel bad for his parents. They probably feel terrible about this.

Comment by Kira Henderson on December 19, 2010 at 4:55pm

I'm here for you, Erin. You know that, right?

And I agree with your tweet completely, Erin. It's the complete and utter truth.

Comment by Valerie on December 17, 2010 at 8:27pm

Erin, I am sorry. If you ever need anything or just wanna talk about it, I am here. Love ya

Comment by Lindsey "Littlebit" Sullivan on December 17, 2010 at 8:02pm

love you Erin, and you ever need to talk just pc me/

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