Such is Life

[Erin ~Hockey Princess~ Gates]

I would say most of you know me pretty well. I make friends easily which then most of you know all of my down times. I've had them a lot lately. I can't help it though. If I could only tell you everything, I would, but I can't tell you all.

"Such is Life" is one of my favorite quotes that I stick to. My teacher, Mr. Lobdell that passed away 6 months ago on the 18th of March would say that everyday. He was my inspiration. Lately, I've realized just how true that quote is. I have a bracelet with "Such is life" BL on it that the school sells for his scholarship fund. I wear it all the time. If I look back, at first I thought, 'This is where it all started' when in reality, it didn't.

Freshman year, my life altered greatly. I was trying to balence a new school... high school, my homework, having no bestfriends around me to be with, and even role-play. Yes, I role-play, and getting better as I mature. All that took a toll on me and I shouldn't have let it. My mom and I also think it was because we recently.. ish found out I have bad ADHD. I can't concentrate at all when I don't have my med, but that's okay. Back then it wasn't because it's what started my anxiety. I would stress out so much over school that I just about gave up. But I didn't, I tried and tried and failed my goal still. Summer break was miserable for me all June because I had nothing. No phone, computer, or friends. That was my start. I went through a dark period when I really should have looked at the positives and what would help me get out of my 'funk'.

A trip towards the end of June with my mom down to Arkansas changed my attitude and everything. I was happier when I got back, and I even got most stuff back. When my birthday rolled around, all was right in my world again, but really, I shouldn't have let my world flip on me.

We all go through dark periods, but it's how we deal with it that changes the outcome. I let it rule my life when I shouldn't have. I should've went to the pool, looked more for a job, rode my bike, worked hard to help my parents. That's the mature way to deal with things.

But getting everything taken was only the beginning.

Over the 4th of July, my town holds a large celebration. A carnival, parade, everything. My mom and I were just coming back from Kansas City and we got a phone call that a boy had drown in Clear Lake. The carnival shut down and divers had to search for the body. They brought up the body hours later and sadness was all around. We got back and it was just hard to be here. A very small town in Iowa have THAT happen. Esp. a teenager.

That was the second straw for my town.

We had quietness for the longest time & the cliques in my town were just out of control. All the people that have a head in my town were spending money left and right. Renovations on the Middle school, tearing down Lincoln school (A school very close to my heart that I went to) and building townhouses, making new parks, adding to the Central gardens. It was too much.

The fall of 2011, our homecoming weekend.. That sunday I was on Skype with Sarah. Like my sister and I got a text from my brother asking about my teacher. Low and behold, Within minutes, my Facebook TL is FILLED with R.I.P Blake Lobdells and my phone was going off with texts from church and friends.

My ispiration had a heart attack and died that night.

My town just tore in two. Everyone was there for everyone. No cliques, only supporters.

The funeral and visitation were hard, and luckily I had friends there. I was wreck though, but I made it through. He would say "Such is life" and he wouldn't want any student so upset over this because it was LIFE.

My community started to recover and get back to their ways.

The next think for me only affected my friends and I because it was all over a friends saftey. I had a friend go away for help for 3 months and luckily she is back now. And safe. I still do worry about her, but I know she loves us too much to go back.

 

Shortly after she got back, a boy.. About my age took his own life.

Honestly it took me a little while to actually type that because I didn't know him all that well, but I get nightmares all the time from it. When I lay down it feels like he's there next to me dead or in a coffin on my floor.

People have told me its just the tramatic thing that happened so close to my age that really hit me. Because I never know when I'm going to lose someone next and also how easy it is for something like that to happen.

It hit my cousin hard and she was the next thing that happened, but I'm not saying anything else.

 

But "Such is life" is true. 6 months ago my life REALLY hit me hard at only 15. And I don't really have anyone in my Clear Lake, Iowa life that is always going to be there. My mom is a workaholic that has to travel a lot and has too much to do. My dad drinks too much and I'm stuck alone with him a lot.

I've had two people in my life HERE that have honestly earned the title my Heros. They know who they are. If that want to be recognized, they can comment, but I wanted to say,

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything and helping me through my very dark year. I couldn't have done it without you both. Our little family, always.

 

I do love my life, even the bumps and bruises, because I know in the end that it will all be worth it.

Never give up & Keep moving forward.

Remember, "Such is life"