Cullens Online

An Interactive Twilight Experience.

Sometimes I wonder

What makes me wonder, sometimes I don’t even know the answer to that myself, but other times, I do know what I wonder about, and that’s my life and how things have turned out, and don’t get me wrong I love my life and I love my husband and daughter with all my heart, but loving them they way I do and knowing they love me to it’s what makes me wonder if this life was really meant for me.

I really never imagined it would be my life, that I would be in love with Sam and have his daughter, specially when for 3 years I saw how happy Sam and Leah were, and how I took it all away , something Sam doesn’t know is that for a couple of months after he and I got together all I could think about was how much Leah was hurting and I felt I stole Sam away from her, because it was me more than anyone that knew what she dreamed of with him and all of a sudden it was all taken from her, with just one look into my eyes and Sam was no longer hers and I struggled all that time trying to understand imprinting so much, understand how could it possibly be that one day he was completely in love with my cousin and the next moment all of that was gone and he now loved me and only me.

I know that what I wonder might be silly now after all this time, especially after having his daughter and the wonderful life that we have together, but being honest with myself I think I have always wonder this, wonder if Sam loves me only because of an imprint, because that’s what it was in the beginning something I know Sam never wanted in the first place, or if he loves me because he grew to love me just like I did him.

Then again when I wonder all this, it makes me upset with myself for even thinking about it, for doubting his love for me, but then when I look into his eyes, when he tells me he loves me or when I see Shay the product of our love and think about all those wonderful moments together and I see around how perfect he has made all for me, for Shay, all those silly thoughts go away and I hope that one day I can bury them deep deep into the ocean to never resurface.