Reflecting over my life and jotting everything down in my journal, that comes to mind, painful or not I looked at the date on my page and thought long and hard before I realised why it was important, instantly my hand flew instantly to my chest the painful memories of that day all flooding back to me, but no I promised myself, so after taking a deep breath I wrote it all down, whethe I share this with anyone remains to be seen, but here it is according to todays date and my memory.....

In 6 days time it will be the 11 year anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre, yet I can still remember it like it was yesterday, both Leah & Seth were home from school that day suffering from a minor stomach bug, later I would thank the heavens for small mercy's as I would've been frantically pulling them out of school regardless.

It was just going on lunch time and Seth was on the couch flicking through the channels when a breaking news flash came across the screen, "Two Gunmen at Columbine High School", I had placed a hand on Seths shoulder to stop his channel surfing and now I was frozen, it was a minute or more I'm sure before I realised Seth was asking me, "Whats wrong mum"? looking down at him attempting a smile I answered "nothing love, go find your sister, ask her to read you a story and tell her I said its important", clearly overjoyed at Leah being ordered to spend time with him, I watched as Seth ran from the room and up the stairs calling, "Leah" as he went, I walked around the couch and sat down and watched as more reports came flooding in, injuries, possible fatalities maybe even hostages.

I never heard my children upstairs, I didn't even hear Harry come in and sit beside me, I just sat there hugging a cushion to my chest with tears streaming down my face, the first I knew of his presence was when he put his arms around me and whispered, "its ok Sue, we're ok", we sat there in silence and watched as footage of the school grounds shot from a news helicopter showed the injured and the dying laying there waiting for help, my heart contracted in pain at the sight of the students being evacuated, crouching low as they sought protection of the parked cars and others still hiding behind cars either too afraid to move or unable to safely do so.

Images of the swat team outside the school are also shown, reports of the injured arriving at hospital are aired and I listened in horror as a mother of one of the students recounts the description her daughter gave of the gunmen. From the news footage being aired you could hear gunfire and I couldn't help but think is that another child who will not go home, another family destroyed. I really don't know how long we sat there but eventually they confirmed the death of the gunmen by suicide. At 11:19 two school boys walked into their school and destroyed the lives of so many people that day and by 12:08 it was over. In all there were thirteen souls lost, twelve students and one teacher and for what?

Harry and I just sat there breaking our hearts over the tragedy of it all. Eventually we made a move, washed our faces and fixed dinner, to this day I have no idea what we had
but what I do remeber is that when I tucked my children into bed that night and gave each of them a hug, it was extremely hard to let go.

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