I wasn't always this girl.
I wasn't always bubbly and exciteable, I used to be depressed
I didn't always have red hair, I coloured it as a form of solidarity.
I never used to dance, because I never had a reason to.
I never used to play guitar or sing, because I hadn't been taught.
I used to have a best friend, but I lost her and she's not coming back.
I used to spend every waking moment praying, but now I've just lost hope and faith.
I'm different now.

Being me hasn't been an easy ride.
Underneath my hard and smiling exterior, there are cracks. Cracks that can only be filled with what I don't have.
I commit myself to living every day as if she was still here, making up for all the time that she lost.
I want to finish what she started.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and not just see the sad little girl who couldn't save her best friend.

Sometimes I can never have what I want, and soemtimes, it's good for me.
Things are making me get over her leaving.
Playing guitar and writing a new song.
Standing on the tips of my toes and swaying to the music.
Kissing my boyfriend and never wanting to let him go.
Holding my brother, protecting him.
Counting clouds.
Eating sherbert.
Wrapping presents.
Everything is nothing that can distract me.
But for now, I'll have to make do.

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