Well, last week was very very sad. I once again got accused of doing something I didn't, and thus kicked out of the studio. I was accused of slander. You can't imagine how that made me feel. They wouldn't tell me who said it. Which makes me wonder if it is true. I know times are hard for all of us. I am patient with them for thier times, but it was not returned. I don't like being used. I was told a long time ago that they use people and toss them away. C usually doesn't keep close friends, after last week not hard to tell why. Comunicate before it's too late. Don't wait until it bubbles and brews. If you have somthing to say say it. I guess that's a fault of mine. I don't have a censor on my mouth. As it I tell the truth, wiether you want to hear it or not. I cried hard for two days. To have my mentor look up at me and say that she cried, and that she was disapointed. I guess people don't ever look at thier own sins. funny. My heart is broken. but as masochistic as it sounds, I'm glad. I'm glad that my life took a major nose dive. I have discovered who my real friends are, and who is really there for me. Better I find this out now, before I make more sacrifices for people that don't care. Part of why I didn't fight for my trip to New York, was to help with the stupid show. They don't know that. They won't care. It hurts to be used. I'm really getting tired of no one hearing me. So, I am quiet. I feel funny. I can't describe it. I don't have anymore tears for this. Money will always talk. It doesn't matter how loyal you are to someone the money will always talk to them. She looked at me and said i was like a daughter to her. Really? funny how you toss me aside. Then I guess I don't want to be your daughter. You are no better then my dad. I'm tired of being the second choice. It would be nice to be thanked. The only thing I ever ask for in return for my loyalty or love is love, and a thank you for the things I do. They weren't very fourth coming with the thank you's. So my birthday inches near, and now the party i wanted to have is shot. but it's alright. On a random note: watching star trek: tng. yes, yes i am a geek. ;D Oh you know you love it. :D So, I pour my heart out on the empty pages of my sactuary. Tears gone unheard. Tears of sand filling the hour glass of that past. My birthday creeps closer, as my youth fades. My youth that was taken from me without a thank you. But this weekend showed me how much I am loved. I am very gun shy now. I hate this feeling. I am in the air with trust. I would love to find the puzzle that I am missing from. lol. I know it sounds like a bleeding poet. I'm ok. I'm not crying as I write this at least. lol. I doubt anyone will read this. but if you are this far into the drables of a mad woman, thank you. You are very kind to read this. My advice: There is strength in being yourself, no matter how much it hurts or how lonely it gets. I'm very lonely, and this last week thought of conforming. but i just can't do it. I don't agree with it. Money means nothing to me. I don't have a lot of it. I am not rich by any means, but it means less to me then my loveed ones. If they only knew what I kept silent about thier trusted ones. The things they said. What I've had to do to keep the ones they offened. But when it came time to stand up for me, they down cast thier eyes. It's ok. Sadest part is, I forgive them. They are only human.

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