For years I had been wondering how it would feel to be in love, to care for someone else in a different way than the feelings you have towards your family, but I could have not find out in the worse possible moment, when I saw Heidi and Demetri that way, my un beating heart felt as if someone was crushing it with their bare hands and not just someone but them, in that moment so many things crossed my mind, like when they both had told me nothing had ever happen, how Demetri had told me he was with me because he wanted to, how Heidi had said it was something that didn’t even started, it had never bothered me the way Demetri always flirted with both of us because that was just the way he was but this, this was different, I just wanted to run away , to try to clear my head but Demetri stopped me I don’t know why he did, nothing that could be said was going to make me feel better about myself mostly.

When I was finally able to go I absentmindedly walked through the castle not really knowing where to go, I wanted a place where no one would find me, but I was so lost in thought I didn’t even notice where I had ended up, it was the tower Demetri had taken me to watch the sunrise one day, I curled on the floor just thinking, how could this have happen, how could I have let it happen knowing deep down that if Demetri would have to choose one or the other he would pick Heidi, of course she is far more beautiful than I am, there both attractive and I’m just me, the girl that likes books that likes to paint and draw, my mind was so busy that I didn’t even notice when Demetri found me, I was in shock that he did, that he had even come looking for me, when he wrapped his arms around me I felt secure again but at the same time I didn’t know how I felt I stepped away from him, I told him I would probably asked to go on a trip, He said that it would not solve anything, I was confused and without thinking I told him how I felt about him, I felt like a complete fool after I told him that I had fallen for him, because I knew he would never see me that way that I was just who he shared books with, even if in the last year something more than a sibling relationship had been built, when he wrapped his arms back around me I just wanted to freeze that moment for all eternity.

The next day I wanted a quiet place to think but I could not find that place in my chambers as my dear sister Jane had played a prank and filled my chambers with garlic, I just took my iPad after asking Mina and Lucas to clean up and wondered around the halls when I saw Heidi, I knew I had to apologize to her even if I saw how uncomfortable she was around me, I had expected that of course but not what her words were, she as well told me she had feelings for him, I had never thought she would tell me this, as we had already talked about Demetri and her and she had said it was nothing and it just made me feel worse I crushed my iPad without even thinking, her words echoed in my mind over and over and that’s when I knew there was no hope for me, I left the library telling her I knew what I had to do, but in truth I didn’t knew what to do and I still don’t know even less so when I found out they had left together, all I knew was that my relationship with them would never be the same, as much as I wanted it to be, as much as I enjoy the time Heidi and I share the talks we had our little snack trips, and Demetri and I those times are never coming back, why would he want to spend time with me when he has Heidi now, so my earlier thoughts came back, maybe I am being selfish but feelings don’t just go away as hard as I am trying maybe leaving for a while it’s what is best for me, best for everyone.

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