Child of My Heart.... Author Unknown
Not flesh of my flesh
Not bone of my bone
Yet still very much my own
for one single minute
that you grew not under my heart
but in it.
Be in it Carmy, be in it.. laughing I had replied, "Oh you mean...Be in, so I can chase you". Her sweet little voice comes back to me as though it was just yesterday & not months ago. Every curl that framed her angelic face, perfectly preserved in the memory that is her.
Letting her go was the right thing to do, I know this.... but even now as I sit in my garden with spring blossoming all around me, she is all I can think about. The withered wreaths made with Abbi in mind hang around the garden. a constant reminder of the little girl who's smile could break my heart. She will never know the profound effect she had on my life, her presence & friendship was a gift that I will treasure always.
As I sit here with my journal, I cannot help but recall every conversation we had, every game we ever played and every time I held that precious child in my arms. Her hugs brought a peace & joy only a mother would know, an acceptance that is absolute.
I cannot help but smile when I remember how she called my name, the creases in her little fingers as she wrapped her hand around mine, or the utter joy when she found something exciting and would place her tiny hands on either side of my face, wanting my complete and undivided attention. And the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed was a sight to behold.
I do not know what the future holds but I know that she is safe and happy and I cannot ask for more than that. As much as I miss Abbi, I know she belongs in the human world, to stay with me would only put her at risk, which is something I cannot do, no matter how much it hurts.
It's starting to sprinkle and although I'm not adversed to a spring shower my journal however is a different matter, my last thought before making my way inside is...... I am sure I will never experience such a thing again as long as I exist.