I have been married to Sam for over 2 years now and never had I have any doubt that we’ll always be together, not because I am his imprint but because of the love we hold for each other, but a couple of nights ago just for mere seconds my thoughts betrayed me.
We had gone to bed without nothing wrong happening all, it had been a relaxing night at home with my family as it always is, we had dinner talked about our day, he answered the phone and told me it was one of the guys just checking in, I really did not notice any change in his mood because I had Shay tugging at me wanting to go to bed so we tucked Shay in and went to be ourselves, I was exhausted as I am by nights most of this past weeks and fell asleep almost immediately but around 3 am I noticed he was not in bed and I woke up searching for him, but I heard no answer as I called him, I thought maybe I was so deeply asleep that I didn’t hear Shay wake up or that maybe he wanted a midnight snack but when I didn’t hear any noise coming from the kitchen or the tv I started to worry, I had thought maybe something pack related but I did not hear any howling and I knew that if something had happened he would have woken me up, a thousand things came to mind, then a thought I had never imagined came to me “What if he left me”, his father abandoned his family what if he had done the same, I wanted to cry, to scream but I knew that was not good for either me or my baby so I tried to get that idea out of my head, even another women crossed my mind, I know it was stupid ideas but he had never disappeared like this before the only time I knew this had happen was when he phased for the first time.
At this point I was scared, for what could have made him leave the house in the middle of the night without a word, I sat down on the couch thinking, wanting him to come back to us, wanting to make this feelings go away but I could no longer keep my eyes open and I drifted to sleep, I didn’t feel him when he came back and carried me back to our bed, when I woke up in the morning he was there next to me the first thing I did was smile, I was so happy he was home, but I still had mixed feelings as to what might of happen.
When he woke up he acted like if nothing had happen, I was both upset and hurt I wanted to know the truth, he said he was overwhelmed about everything that was going on that it even gave me the impression he wanted space alone to think, space for himself and as much as the idea hurt me I was willing to give it to him, if that is what he needed , but he assured me it was not the case and I was relieved to hear it, but I still felt as if he wasn’t telling me the truth, when he looked at me I still felt as if there was something he wasn’t telling me, even when his touch, his kisses, his embrace felt the same, there was still something .
All day long I wondered what he was hiding what that moment of weakness he was talking about meant, I was just confused and the more I thought about it the less I understood, and once again tears dropped down my cheeks, I thought Shay had not seen me but I was mistaken, she did see me cry because when Sam came home, she told him I had cried, I looked at Sam as I felt him looking at me and after sending Shay to the other room he told me what happened, his father had called his mother wanting to see him, I was surprised and I began to understand what the moment of weakness he said he had meant and I felt so bad for the things I had thought about him and I wanted to tell him but at that moment all I could do was support him and be there for him, to reassured him I loved him and would always have his back, I hated what his father had done to him and I hated myself even more for the thought even crossing my mind.
Thankfully that moment is now behind us and we can move on, I know he will continue to think about that call even if he hides it from me so I don’t worry, but I always will, I am his wife it’s part of my job description to worry about my husband and my children.