Things around the castle have been quiet.  A little too quiet.  I recall during these times a couple centuries ago when the castle would become quiet.  Alec, Carlisle, myself, and a few of the other guard would make certain that the silence and calm would not last long.  Today, as I sit in the silent castle, I find myself surprisingly missing the company of my old friend, Carlisle.  I am well aware that I have my biological brother, Alec, whom I love with all my being.  Carlisle, when he was one of us, had been much like the older brother I never had.  He seemed to understand me and, just as Alec, could keep me calm in many situations where I'd be close to losing it.  Out of all of the guard, aside from my brother, Carlisle had been the one I shared many of my happier moments while being here with the Volturi.  

In fact, one moment stuck in my mind that I was sure I'd never forget.  My brother and I have been the guards to be on the lookout for when it came to pranking.  If anybody pranked us, we were sure to prank them in return.  There was always going to be revenge.  That's simply how the Volturi work.  One of the memories that stuck with me was one of the last I shared with Carlisle.  It was late and the masters had retired to their chambers with their wives, as it had happened every evening.  It was a glorious feast that Heidi had fetched us that night.  With my thirst fulfilled, I had retired to my chambers as well.  To get the human stench off me so I wouldn't be distracted during my nightly duties, I had intentions of drawing a bath.  But it hadn't been more than ten minutes when there was a knock at my door.  It had been Carlisle.  I still remember his mischievous smile when the opened door had revealed him on the other side.  I allowed him into my chambers, since he was, after all, much like my older brother.  I asked him to make himself at home.  We sat together in the living area of my chambers as he informed me about a prank that my fellow guardsmen had planned to pull on me.  We sat for at least half an hour devising a plan that would cause Felix's prank to backfire.  When things were set, Carlisle and I set off to Alec's chambers and let him in on our plan and the reason why we were up to no good so late in the evening.  With Alec in cahoots with us, this would be a no-fail plan.  I felt invigorated that I wasn't going to be affected by Felix's prank and I had Carlisle to thank for this.  I can admit that Carlisle touched my unbeating heart that night when he came to me and told me about the plan.  He didn't have to.  He could have easily chosen Felix and gone through helping him and allowed me to suffer the embarrassment.  But, he didn't.  

Needless to say, the three buckets that were situated on the castle's ramparts weren't wasted on me.  My dear brother, Alec, had shoved Felix over the walkway, causing him to plummet to the ground, taking the buckets with him.  I couldn't stop the laughter seeing Felix drenched in his just desserts.  I had never thanked Carlisle for helping me that night.  To this day, I do regret that I didn't get to show him my appreciation.  Such a menial act of camaraderie, but it spoke in volumes to me and after that night, I never knew I wouldn't have a chance to ever thank him.  

Carlisle had left the Volturi.  Naturally, since he had been very close to me, I questioned the cause for his disappearance.  Aro, Caius, and Marcus would not get into details.  However,  Aro was the most outspoken of the three.  All he could tell me was that Carlisle was an extremist and his ideals weren't going to be acceptable if he stayed with us.  I wish I had known what those ideals were back then.  With the bond I had with Carlisle, I was sure I probably would have left the Volturi and dragged my brother along.  It wasn't until close to two centuries later when I'd see my old friend.  This time, he had his own family.  A very gifted family.  

The jealousy I seem to have towards Alice and Bella could be simply because of the fact that those two are just as gifted as I am, but they are in a family with my old "big brother."  They're living an alternate life that I had once pondered about shortly after Carlisle left the Volturi.  Yet, there he was before me, looking very happy, but also seeing me with anger and fear in his eyes.  I'm not used to having someone I once was close to look at me as that.  As any enemy.  Someone I had once shared such wonderful memories with, shattered once he formed his own coven.  

Maybe now, more individuals will understand me.  My hate and anguish that fuels my gift that inflicts so much pain isn't just from the betrayal from my parents.  But simply because I've felt, more than once, the feeling of being cast aside from those who have been close to me.  My mind often wanders to how much longer it will take before Alec decides to leave my side as well.  

I can only hope that never happens...

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Comment by Jane Volturi on November 30, 2012 at 10:29pm

Yes, Carlisle.  I am fully aware that leaving the Volturi isn't an option for me if I want to live.  But, as much as I'm curious about the world outside of being part of the Volturi, I would never abandon them.  I owe Aro my life.  And as a gesture of gratitude, I will always follow what he asks of me.  Even if it means visiting you and your...family.

Comment by Carlisle Cullen MD on November 24, 2012 at 5:51am

I too have wandered back in time in my memories and have some very fond ones of my time with you and your brother. I know that your loyalty is to your family and not only do I commend that loyalty, I respect it as well. Leaving them is simply not an option you could chose and survive. By no means am I inferring that you wish to leave, I am simply stating what I witnessed during my time with your coven. I wish you well, I always have. It's sad that we stand at opposite sides of the table but we are very similar in that we will never, ever betray the ones we call family.

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