Mother’s Day is always a hard day for me to get through. It reminds me of the little life I tried to bring into this world, and lost. I fought so hard to keep him safe, to hide his existence from my brutal first husband.  I thought I had succeeded. It has been so very long. I know that by this time, had things gone normally, we would both be passed on and our time on earth but a memory to the family we might have gone on to have. Tales would be told remembering Mama Esme, Grandma Esme. Maybe I would have been blessed enough to have lived to see my great-grandchildren.

 

But life, with its incongruous ways, it’s unforeseen twists, turns and flips, brought about a much different story in my life. My son was never given a proper name. I found out, many years later, he was buried as Baby Boy Platt. I had registered in my maiden name, and when he died, gone in a blink, my grief drove me away to the cliff and I could only think to join him. The thoughts that filled my mind that day were tortuous, abominations to my heart. All that I had lost when I lost him. No first steps, no teething, no first day of school, graduation, wedding…grandchildren. All had been lost in those words…”I’m sorry Mrs. Platt, we did everything we could.” The sheer anguish was a physical pain, as if my body was being turned inside out and set aflame.

 

I know now why everything was taken from me. It was to replace it with something so amazing and wonderful that I greet each new dawn with thanks for allowing me to be its recipient. “When things feel like they are falling apart, they may just be falling into place.” Yes, that is the best wisdom I have ever received.

 

My BB…my lost son, still lives in me. I forever hold what may have been with him. I wonder at times what kind of man he would have grown into. But, with Carlisle by my side, I am able to face each day and take each step, not mournful, but joyful. I have six children now and a granddaughter. While not of my flesh, they are of my heart. I got to rush through the missed milestones through Renesmee’s growth. Years of them packed into just a short time. And I have attended enough graduations to fill that void.

 

For Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Bella, and for Renesmee, thank you all for allowing me the extraordinary gift of being a mother figure to you.

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Comment by Charity Dilts on September 9, 2013 at 2:04pm
Everyone that is messageing u on here is right even Edward :) <3 u esme
Comment by susan snyder on September 9, 2013 at 1:29pm

You are a loving, caring and compassionate  woman and a wonderful mother to your children. They may not be blood but they are for all intense in purpose your children and grandchildren and I am sure they love you almost as much as you love them. 

Comment by Charity Dilts on May 27, 2013 at 9:20pm
Edward is right u have? Shown then that and u are a great mother by showing that ones againn srry for ur lost esme
Comment by Janet Baldwin on May 27, 2013 at 2:40am
You are a brilliant mother who loves everyone of your children equally
Comment by Charity Dilts on May 12, 2013 at 3:01pm
Sorry for ur lost esme I'm sure he would be a very hansome man jyst remember u have 6 children and a granddaughter although they r not by blood. They r still ur children and granddaughter
Comment by Janet Baldwin on May 12, 2013 at 8:57am
Esme I have just read your blog and it is beautiful....

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