I was asked a few questions anonymously...

"What is it like putting down the syringe,
and sitting at your patient's bedside, concluding that there is nothing
else to do? How do you feel when you have to quit, although you want to
continue on?"


After all is said and done and there is no more that I can do, defeat hits me and I have to accept what is.
I always think, "What if". I suppose a lot of that is quite humanistic, is it not? I mean Guilt, defeat, frustration and a whole lot of 'what ifs'.
The thought of giving new life to he or she who is fading is always a thought in the back of my mind but I know that this life is not for everyone and that giving new life, so to speak, is not the answer.
Defeat and Guilt are human emotions but ones such as myself are not immune to that part of our humanity. We do carry a lot of human traits over when we transform. I find comfort knowing that part of me is still very humanistic.
When I lose a patient I am humbled and reminded that even though I am what I am, I am no better than anyone else.

"And lastly, how was it when death finally took them? When the light
left their eyes, their heart stopped, and their breathing stopped.
Because you were "in" WWII, I'd like to know so very much what you saw."


When holding the hand of someone who is just about to let go, you can feel the energy slowly diminishing. Their face becomes peaceful and you can actually see the very moment that they let go. It's both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because you know that they are finally resting peacefully yet heartbreaking because death feels so final. Sitting bedside with a dying soldier is the most humbling experience I believe anyone could ever experience. They are in the predicament they are in because they selflessly gave of themselves to serve their country and/or save another's life. I don't feel that anything is more noble or honorable than selflessly giving of ones life so that another can live.

Death has many faces but only one outcome. Realizing there is nothing I can do to prevent it is a hard term to come to, no matter how many times it happens.

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