*sigh*well, what can i say. Still not sure on that yet. I had a nice cry, had too. That's the odd thing about me I suppose is that I will laugh when you laugh, and cry when you cry. Fall down to make you smile. >.< i just bit my tounge! *tears.*litterally, i sneezed and chomp. T.T that was most unplesant. *laughs* anyway, it's funny. Because just when i think no one is listening...bam....a voice. I know and acknowledge that I am just a whispering voice in a crowded room. It's just funny that, when i think that no one can hear me, I am unknowingly heard. Today. Oh today. There is no way to describe it. The last few years feel like another life after my first week here. Today the wound was violantly ripped open, well, more so. but...i guess sometimes you have to pick the scab to heal better. eww. not a fan of scabs, or pus *shudders*but i do my job with a smile. *turns green*Hey i may look like kermet while i am being peed on, but i don't have to let the poor patients know that. poor lady felt bad enough. wow, random direction. It can't be said that today isn't a thnking day. I recieved something....i guess you can say special. Becase to my knowledge there is only one other that has seen it. And for the title to be what it is.....*quiet.*Sorry, pain. I'm sorry if that upsets you the reader, but i really and truely can't help myself. I am ever the cursed dreamer. *weak smile*I will laugh with you, grieve with you, love you. I've even, rather, I even have people I love near me that are very cruel to me. Not because I like it. Who in their sane mind would? I just can't help myself. I'm not very pretty and I'm not always very smart, but I can feel. And I can cry with you, and laugh with you.

It's been a funny sort of day. I slept, very hard, for about ten hours. thankfully no bad dreams. :D I woke up, turned on the computer to say hello to my friends, helped a friend, talked to a very good friend (possibly annoyed him. XD) *stands* For I am Amanda Queen of creatons, may all lesser creatons bow before me. *laughs* I was talking to my best bud in the whole entire world kestrel, and it was absolutly lovely, and then I got a note. Not really a note persay, but a somthing. I don't want to say what it is but if you know you know, if not I am not the one to tell you. *winks*I slowly read it. I steped back, thought about it, and discovered that though the cercumstances were different, the pain is still the same. *quiet*It was as if there was a click, and the dam broke. I cried very hard for a bit, I am not ashamed to admit it. Why should you be ashamed to cry. If you are afraid to do so, please see my shoulder. *smiles*there is a nook right there above my chest that holds a face just nicely. and i have long arms to shield you with so there. ;P At any rate, I cried. And then there were all sorts of things that were everywhere pertaining to this person and thier words. I found a fortune cookie fortune today, on the ground running through the bookstore, (ahem, b/c i'm the smart person that went to the wrong theater. lol.)and somthing compelled me to pick it up so i did. It says:People are waiting for cues from you. Lead them well. I am still not sure what it means. lol. but it's not the first leadership one i've gotten. yeah, me lead. lol. blind leading the blind that is so avant guard. *laughs*

I find the fortune, go to a movie with my bro. We saw the loosers. oh, great movie. The team was awsome, they stuck together no matter what. I admire that. so, then I thought about these...lessons all day. And went to help my friends with costumes for our show, these being some of the not so nice ones, but she fed me so i was happy. and i love the doggies. *grins*And then I got online. .... I was messing around and it said "someone comented on your blog" so I'm like O.O holy crap! someone actually was listening. *blush*So i read it and there was someone that i have not really met yet or heard of, and she was very nice. She said i was "most interesting." *big grin. runs fingers through hair*yep..ah...Who's the greatest? *laughs*Just kidding. so that made my night. *looks up.*whoa....I should stop writing now. Seriously, if you've gotten this far and are still reading you get the gold star of the day. *laughs* It was a funny sort of day. I recived inadvertant calm from an unlikely source, and a mysterious..no not biscut..visitor. *gasps.*o.o *laughs*

Even though it's been...funny. It was still a nice day. I'm not completely healed, but the healing has really begun. Bandaid's really only work so long. This wound takes love and time. It's funny, I didn't even like twilight (i know grab your torch and pitch forks) at first, but it is definatly growing on me. This was ment to be. *laughs* Never take anything for granted. *heart catch* and don't find out the hard way. *winks*

Now on with the show. For in the end...my heart may be brakeing, but my smile still stays on. but i don't think it's breaking anymore. I think it's healing. And somtimes healing hurts, but a little kindness and love is just what a person needs. Not to be shoved away. Anyway, enough of this. I don't care if you think i am emo, i am me and that's the best i know how to be. haha! that rhymed. I feel better now. I know I can be safe and write here. and not be chastised for it later. *frowns*I love to love. lol. silly huh?

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Comment by Amanda Renee Francis on April 26, 2010 at 10:19am
*blush*wow. I really didn't think anyone would've read that. Usually my other best friend tells me to "shut up you're being emo." but i really can't help it. You are very right, I do feel deeply. *laughs* And it is healing. *winks*Dian says its innocense. *laughs*Thank you for reading. *big smiles*

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