I've just got home to find all the windows and doors wide open. They've taken everything... it's all gone. The dirty rotten thieving bastards. What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? Arrgghhh you are not human. You are low life scum ................ That was my advent calender and you had no right to open it and eat all my chocolates!!!!!!!
I went to the zoo the other day, theres this elephant there and if you make him sit down you win $100,so asked if i could have a go, i punched the elephant straight in the balls, he sat down and i won the money. zoo keep was not pleased, so a few days later i went to the zoo in disguise ,walked up to were the elphants were and asked if could have a go at making the elphant sit. the zoo keeper said... shure this time you can win $200 if you can make the elephant ,nod his head, shake his head ,then sit down....so i walked up to the elephant pulled of my disguise and said , do you rember (me elephant nods),do you want some more (elephants shakes head)...well sit the fuck down then..(elephant sits )
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag the chubby man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.