I sit before my computer, fingers on the keys... I feel them moving, see my words appearing across the screen... and yet, I don't feel as if I am really here...

I have to be somewhere else; someplace where my heart is not aching. Someplace where it doesn't feel as if I've lost my esteemed colleague, my charming little sister, my protective big brother, my loyal confidant and my complete commiserator all in one fell swoop. And amidst the tears now creeping down my cheeks the world is just a little more blurry than it was a few hours ago...

It's not that I don't understand... it's not that I don't know why she is leaving.... It's not that I don't want ALL that is best and bright and wonderful for her in this world; she certainly deserves it. But it's simply not the logical part of my brain that is driving these tears. And there seems to be no rationalizing with my broken heart.

I can only hope that she will stay in touch... check in on me from time-to-time... That is one of the things that endeared her to me from the onset. Her enormous capacity to care. And to care about me? An embittered, wizened old maid... And to have always treated me as a friend and an equal...

Oh... I am a selfish one... But I will be stronger tomorrow. I promise.

Just not tonight. Tonight is reserved for wallowing alone in my greedy grief.

Please, forgive me tonight for my broken heart....

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Comment by Janelle on July 28, 2009 at 1:50pm
I can only second what Stephanie has said on this matter x
Comment by Stephanie Starner on July 27, 2009 at 5:49pm
Beautifully written and incredibly understood...


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