I started to understand last week that nothing matters anymore. I've tried so hard my entire life so hard to live up to my name. Only to be crushed, with a very low self esteem. By the age of three I mastered the art of pasting a big warm smile onto my face, because sometimes it's easier than explaining what's wrong. When your mom looses her job, when your Dad leaves your mom when you're two and then he has the nerve to come back, asking for us to be a happy family for his campaign. When you're father get's shot in the stomach three times, goes to the hospital frequently for a few years and he expects you to be there for him, confused on what's going on you just look at your mother asking why. "Because your father needs us to be here for him, we need to stay together as a family sugar." I remember those words, they may not mean anything to you, but those were the answers for me. The only answers I needed to know. Nothing really matters anymore when you're favorite cousins dies on your birthday. Nothing matters anymore when every time I talk to him, my heart shatters into even smaller pieces. Nothing matters anymore when I go to either my own press conference, or to my father. Nothing even matters, not even this blog post right here. So for an F.Y.I don't read this, because nothing really matters anymore for me.