what if I wanted to break?

[Lindsey]

Sometimes I wanna dissapear. Not like, die, just dissapear. Fade into the background. Become the wallpaper... And not feel anything.
Not feel alone
Not feel hurt
Not feel anything.
But be... Here. Be... Alive.

I'm so incredibly sick of being alone. I look around and see all my friends with someone.
Oh ur still young lindsey
They say
You still have time. You don't need to find a soulmate now.
Who said I wanted a soulmate now? I said I wanted SOMEONE.
Not get friggin... Sexually harrassed thru a phone
Not get friggin... Used
I want something that will make me feel loved.
I want to feel like I'm worth something.
Cuz the good lord up in heaven knows I don't now.

I think so little of myself. I'm NOT pretty. I'm FAT. I'm this, in that. I've always been told that. I fit into the spot of, freak. And now... When ppl tell me otherwise, idk how to believe it.
How can you change that much?
From being ugly, fat, a freak, into... Beautiful?

Sometimes idk how to take it.
I get these... Moments where I lose it: where the world crashes down on me for no particular reason and I lose it.
Lose all wanting to be... Idk.
I wanna give up.
If I found myself beautiful... If I wasn't alone... If maybe for once in my life I was beautiful... Worth something...

If I wasn't so... Alone...

I'd be... Better.

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face... What would you do?