Trying to Find a Sense of Normalcy

[Angelia]

I've always been the sort of person that followed a routine.  Get up, eat something, go to work, go to school (whatever was on schedule for the day), talk to my mother after my day was done, have supper with her, and get ready for the next day to start over again.  This sounds like a boring existence, and in fact I would have agreed with you about a month ago.  But when one of the elements of your routine is missing, it throws everything else off.  I miss my mother.  I miss talking to her, and I miss having supper with her and telling her about my day.

 

Next weekend I go back to work.  I have to try to get back on a routine.  A new routine that will account for the missing piece of the old routine but will allow a smooth transition.  Everyday activities do not feel right without her here.  It just feels like emptiness.  There is no conflict, there is no happiness, or sense of contention.  Life is just living.  Speaking for myself, I find it very difficult to find a reason for this existence.  Right now, that's all I'm doing is existing.  My heart has a huge void in it for want of my beloved family members.  My memories are filled with remembering my family all together.  It hasn't been like that for years.  I knew one day I would lose my parents.  Every child knows they should be the ones to bury their parents.  However, I never thought I would still be young when I buried one parent and the one person I thought would help me with this unfortunate task.  Losing a sibling is like losing one of your limbs.  I am now an entity less one limb and a void in her heart.  I've got to find my way in this world and make this existence worth living.  This is my new task.