Just things on my mind.

[Angelia]

I had my appointment with my advisor today.  It really didn't go as badly as I thought it might.  I don't know why I thought it would be bad except that I tend to get along with male superiors than with female. I do like Dr. Herriger though.  She went through my DARS report.  (Actually she had to make one up for me), so she actually went to my transcripts to see what I've done.  The bottom line is I'm 2 classes and a thesis away from my Masters in History: Early Modern Europe and United States History 1865 to the Present.  She changed my Spring class to Decorative Art History to fullfill the last American History Seminar (could also fullfill European Seminar but I'm done there).  Then I have to take a class in the fall (which she already pre-registered me for) Historical Methods.  In this class I will learn about Historiography and write my Thesis Prospectus.  In the winter and Spring I will be writing my Thesis.  I graduate in May/June 2012.  However, I can also continue and double major in Poli Science with a concentration in International Affairs/International Law.  (This is what I'm really wanting to do.  I want to infuse my History Thesis and Poli Sci Thesis together and graduate a double Master.)  Her idea is to finish the history degree so I can take the interview offer at Clark State and then do a poli sci Master. 

In other news--I have a grief counseling meeting tomorrow.  So I've started that back up.  I sometimes feel the grief very deep in my bones and I miss my family.  I find myself crying at a drop of the hat and sometimes I feel like my body is going to crush in on itself.  I'm smoking again (yeah I know its bad and the entire lecture series. Please don't judge me right now.  Your not thinking anything I haven't already thought and said myself.)  The only other way I feel I can legitimize it (it doesn't) is that I'm not drinking. Sometimes I wonder if the anti-depressants are working.  It doesn't help that there is an International Manhunt for this ass that killed his 26 year old stepdaughter in the basement of her mother's house, kidnapped an elderly couple and stole their car.  No one knows where the elderly couple is (They are dead, let's face it). The car was found at a rest stop.  This happened 20 miles from here and it just makes me sad.  I don't know why.  Again its a damn miracle I'm not drunk all the time.  It amazes Dr. Herringer that I've been able to hang on to any resemblance of an academic career through this.  I told her I can't be idle and I like learning even though my focus on reading and writing sucks right now.  I used to be able to finish a book a week, sometimes 2.  Now I have problems with simple chapters and 1 book and my writing has gone from good to ok and down to shit.  Sometimes I read what I write and just shake my head.  Not because the theme and facts aren't right, its just has no organization, focus and grammar mistakes an amatuer can locate without much effort.  It's pathetic at my level.

The weather is starting to add to my profound sadness.  Between the gloom, the tastes of spring (60-70 degree days), and the snow and ice storms I'm starting to just feel crushed.  There was something else I wanted to talk about and I forgot what it was.  I guess I'll add a supplement when I think about it.