True Colours.

[Sue Clearwater]

As I made my bed that morning I actually thought what a wonderful Saturday morning it was and how it seemed so promising, my how quickly things can change. I hadn't even finshed making the bed, when I heard Leah calling from downstairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I couldn't believe my eyes, Leah was placing Seth onto the couch. Seth was in so much pain.....I didn't think I could take it, when Dr Cullen arrived, he confirmed his injuries and set about gently putting my son back together.

If I thought holding my son's hand while Dr Cullen re-broke his bones to set them properly was the worst thing I would experience this day, I was to be sadly mistaken. After spending the night at Seth's bedside, monitoring him and administering his morphine, I went into Leahs room for an extra blanket, where I found a note from Leah... there were only three very short lines but they hurt me more than I care to admit.

Sue,

I warned you.

Leah.


I looked around her room, but just as I thought her bag was gone as was most of her clothes, I sat there on Leah's bed for I don't know how long, fresh tears streaming down my face once more, it was only the sound of the alarm on my watch that pushed me up off the bed to go & administer another dose of morphine for Seth.

All through the night I sat there with my son, still retracing everything that I could remember hoping to find some clue as to why Leah had left the way she did, why she would just up and leave at a time like this. It wasn't until Seth opened his eyes and smiled at me, that I realised it was daylight. After Seth did a quick check, assuring me everything was ok, I decided he should have breakfast in bed and left him dozing while I went downstairs to fix breakfast.

As I pottered around my kitchen I started to really let the last few months come back to me and everything negative she has said or thought about herself.

I have heard all of them.. genetic deadend, the black sheep the list goes on, I am truly at my wits end, when it comes to my daughter just now and I honestly do not know what I can do. These last few months have been the most difficult so far. Leah was here but not, her smile is non existent these days and the young lady that comes down for breakfast in the morning, when she comes down is becoming more of a stranger to me with each passing day.

If I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I would have to admit that my daughter no longer wishes to be here, constantly reminded of what she is and never being able to escape her responsibility. I had always hoped that with the anger management and yoga that Leah would find peace within herself, but we are a far cry from that.

I know that all of this behaviour isn't really my daughter's true colours, but I sadly do not foresee my Leah finding her way back to us or her true self just yet. Where my daughter is and how she is, *sighs* I only wish I knew.