Should I have told?

[Embry Call]

When I think back on how my life changed since I’ve started shape-shifting, I can’t help but wonder a few things. Up until a year ago, everything was much harder than it is today. Mom didn’t know about me so I had to balance everything right on top of having to find ways and numerous excuses for me to randomly disappear or be out late. Needless to say she never liked that, especially while I was in school. It’s a wonder how I’ve been able to pull off graduating with success with all those sleepless nights, not to mention all the times I spent grounded for something I knew wasn’t my fault, but I had to keep the secret.

I wonder how it would have all gone through if I took the chance my brothers offered me back then. I still remember how hard it was to keep secret from mom over something this big. As much as I wanted to tell her, I knew then and still think that the secret has to be protected at all cost. It’s safer for everyone this way. I think ignorance is bliss when it comes to stuff like that. I can’t help but think that our life probably would have been a bit easier if I’d have jumped on the occasion my brothers had created for me. They saw every night how hard it was for me to go out, knowing I’d be getting it from mom the following morning, so they decided to ask Sam for allowing me to tell her. Maybe if I told her then we wouldn’t have had all those arguments, maybe I would have found out about my father and brother earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have ran away like I did, maybe I wouldn’t have come this close to killing mom by losing it on that day I found out about Him…

That’s the hard thing I’ve been living with ever since, but I’m glad at least that she’s still with me and that we’ve had the chance to make things right finally. At least through it all, I made some new friends as well. I’ll be forever grateful to Mark and Caroline for taking me in that day and for all the support they gave me and still give me today even if they don’t know the full story. I also know that as easy as it is to say it’s better not to dwell on the past, sometimes I can’t help but wonder… Especially lately since it’s been a year now that mom knows. It’s a relief too after all these years. Through all this, we've become closer together and I'm happy about it.