Things have changed but has it really? Sure most things have changed, sure everything changes.. But really nothing has changed? Part of me is grounded the other part is still on the run.. Constantly running. The nagging feeling of never having a proper place in this world.. Wondering what it would feel like to have someone to love me.. To love me for me.. Wondering getting tired of waiting.. Tired of hoping and praying for the same thing for it always to have the same outcome.. I wanna run and not look back.. I could but whats holding me back? I dont even know.. But its something a constant nagging thats keeping me from running.. But its all the same.. Same stuff different days months and years. I swear every time something works out and starts going right it all comes crashing down always every time it comes crashing down. Ive trusted to just get kicked in the teeth every time.. Then the quiet comes.. Barely speaking screaming inside but nothing comes out. Nothing ever does.. I just sit in the quiet with music in the same depressed playlist as loud as the volume can go trying to drown out every feeling thats there but as soon as im sure things are okay.. They end up being bad again.. A huge part of me is ready to shut everyone out and stay as quiet as I can.. Maybe thats what I'll do.. Maybe thats what I have to do.. Everyone whose claimed to love me has gotten sick of me by now.. And thats okay.. I dont need being saved anymore.. The silence and being alone has embraced me.. Thats where i belong...

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