Angelia's Posts - Cullens Online2024-03-29T05:48:45ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzannehttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3144273961?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://thecullensonline.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=1yq5moy3vu11i&xn_auth=noSo Christmastag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2014-12-31:3404507:BlogPost:10621882014-12-31T01:21:06.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>I was inspired by Garrett's post to tell you how my Christmas was. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. Trees, lights, food, and especially family. I would get excited every year but then several things happened. First, I worked retail for 20 years. And the last 10 years kind of just took all the happiness out of Christmas for me. It is too commercialized. Adults who should know better, and remember what Christmas truly is about, are entitled, rude, disrespectful, and spoiled.…</p>
<p>I was inspired by Garrett's post to tell you how my Christmas was. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. Trees, lights, food, and especially family. I would get excited every year but then several things happened. First, I worked retail for 20 years. And the last 10 years kind of just took all the happiness out of Christmas for me. It is too commercialized. Adults who should know better, and remember what Christmas truly is about, are entitled, rude, disrespectful, and spoiled. But more than that, since 2009, I have lost my mother, and my younger brother (both to cancer, mother to a myriad of other diseases as well). Christmas lost its appeal to me. I didn't even put a tree up. Yeah, I tried for the sake of the children I teach, my friends, and especially my father. I cooked, I made crafts with children, and I went to the annual cancer rally at the Clifton Mill where Christmas is on display with over 3 million lights. The only shopping I did was for groceries and online. Many people got Gift Cards. For the nephew, I ordered his stuff online. I don't purposely go shopping in stores anymore because crowds make me extremely panicky. Another result of working retail. Not to mention, I'm not on my anti-anxiety medication so I purposely don't put myself out there. Christmas used to be a favorite holiday when the family was together and we made memories. Now it just feels like drudgery and something to get through. I understand how Garrett and many others can be depressed this time of year. I'm there with them. I hope one day I'll be able to enjoy it more but right now I'm glad it's over for another year. </p>Working with Childrentag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2014-01-31:3404507:BlogPost:10396232014-01-31T00:00:24.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>Everyone who knows me knows I'm a teacher by trade though I've held many a job lately. Because the school systems are what they are, my field of study (Social Studies: History, Government, Economics, etc.) is saturated and as a result, I've had to substitute teach if I want to teach. I substitute for all sorts of classes and subjects and some of my favorites though I have no talent for it is Science and Math Classes. I have taught all grades K-12 but usually I prefer the older ones. …</p>
<p>Everyone who knows me knows I'm a teacher by trade though I've held many a job lately. Because the school systems are what they are, my field of study (Social Studies: History, Government, Economics, etc.) is saturated and as a result, I've had to substitute teach if I want to teach. I substitute for all sorts of classes and subjects and some of my favorites though I have no talent for it is Science and Math Classes. I have taught all grades K-12 but usually I prefer the older ones. Little ones can be little Tasmanian devils as they should be at 5-7 years old. Not to mention all the extra stuff that comes with it: the tattling, the crying, the accidents, etc. </p>
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<p>However, I feel like I'm way too old fashioned at my age (39) and out of step. I started teaching in the City Schools along with the County Schools. The difference between the student populations are staggering. The City Schools have 16 buildings: 3 Middle, 1 High, 12 Elementary. There is income inequality, high crime areas, a severe education gap, and little to no administrator support. Most of the county districts have one or two of each school. </p>
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<p>Discipline within the schools are also staggering. In the County schools, misbehavior in the classroom results in lunch or recess detention. Disrespectful actions toward the teacher, administrator, or another student results in being put in In School Suspension, being sent home and suspended. They take their steps seriously. When a substitute is in a room, if you misbehave you get double the punishment from the administration. Why? Subs are doing them a favor and are visiting their school. To show poor discipline is not setting a good example for the school. Upset the teacher enough, he/she won't come back and that district is down one teacher. </p>
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<p>In the City, the students rule the roost. They get away with bad behavior. Sending students to the office results in those students being sent back to class to "try again to get it right." While I'm all for giving second chances, by the time the child gets to the office level all their chances to improve have died off. I don't want a student in my class that disturbs classmates and the teacher, refuses to follow directions, shows abject disrespect to the class and teacher, and ignores all discipline actions (move you card, pin, bus...lunch det. no recess). I have decided after 2 hellacious days of teaching 3rd grade students, I would ignore any requests to return. I told the principal that I would not returning to that class. I have never been cussed at by an 8 year old for simply doing my job, and actually, I haven't ever been cussed at like I have today. This class was notorious for being awful by every teacher and tutor and administrator around me. In fact, several teachers and administrators, and even social workers popped in to check on them. In my day, If I acted like that, my parents would have spanked me in front of the class and sat with me the whole time. In my day, the role of adult and child was clear. Not now. I'm frustrated and exhausted from raising my voice. I think I've spent more time writing reports and referrals than anything else. I've stopped and started lessons too many times to count. I'm weary and totally second guessing my decision to take jobs in the City. </p>HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-11-20:3404507:BlogPost:9666092012-11-20T04:28:02.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210733?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="750" class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210733?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="750"/></a></p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210733?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="750" class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210733?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="750"/></a></p>A Week Full of Sorrow: A Week of Remembrancetag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-09-11:3404507:BlogPost:9509842012-09-11T02:21:08.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>Every year, for the last 3 years I've taken this week for my vacation. I don't go anywhere. I call it a mental health break. I volunteer at the United States Air Force Marathon during the weekend, but for the rest of the week its just to relax, heal, and let this week pass. </p>
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<p>This is the week my beloved brother died of Melanoma. He was 30. He left behind a son, then 2 and a much loved wife of only 4 years. He was a Tech Sergeant in the Air Force, stationed in Las Vegas…</p>
<p>Every year, for the last 3 years I've taken this week for my vacation. I don't go anywhere. I call it a mental health break. I volunteer at the United States Air Force Marathon during the weekend, but for the rest of the week its just to relax, heal, and let this week pass. </p>
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<p>This is the week my beloved brother died of Melanoma. He was 30. He left behind a son, then 2 and a much loved wife of only 4 years. He was a Tech Sergeant in the Air Force, stationed in Las Vegas at the time of the onset of his illness. He was transferred to Texas to receive treatment on base and at a Cancer Hospital in Houston. He passed away in the Cancer Hospital 5 months after diagnosis on Sept. 13, 2009. That was a Sunday. My Godchild Savannah was born on Sept. 9th. That week started out very happy considering the dreariness I knew the week would hold.</p>
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<p>This week is also another year since Sept. 11, 2001. This is a day like Kennedy's Assassination, Reagan's attempted Assassination, and others that if your old enough you know exactly where you were when those planes hit the towers. I was in a University Mess Hall (for non-military: that would be Cafeteria) for breakfast. I had class at 10:00 that morning. I was going through notes and the like for my next class, when I looked up on the television. I saw the first plane hit the first tower, but I thought they had the TV on some action movie so I went back to what I was doing. But I something kept gnawing at the back of my mind that upfront nearest the television is a group of football players. And they are oddly quiet, and they aren't eating. They are staring at the TV like zombies. These guys are usually eating the cafeteria out of everything and boisterous. I looked up just in time to see another plane hit and noticed that it wasn't a movie, it was breaking news. Right at that moment an announcement was made that classes were cancelled and there would be an assembly at noon in the auditorium. I went back to my dorm, and my roommate had the television on and she said to call my parents. </p>
<p>When I talked to mom and dad, I was told that dad was upgraded from reserves to Active Duty, my brother was on Alert and could be deployed at any moment, and my cousin Cory was already in route to Germany for his next orders. At the time, they didn't know who was responsible yet. Now I was scared. I was 800 miles away from my home, by myself, and I was frightened. My dad talked to me and told me to settle down and relax and this too shall pass and we'd get the people responsible. My roommate had left and came back and said "You'd better go get gas in the next hour, because they are about to hike the price of gas to $4.00 a gallon." My dad heard that and said, "Don't do it. It's illegal to hike up the price of gas like that." At the time, gas was 1.20 a gallon. So I didn't. Bottom line of that conversation, I was homesick and ready to go. My family couldn't just go off to war without me seeing them first. </p>
<p>At the assembly it was explained to us what had happened. We were told that we needed to get a hold of our parents and stay close to campus in case anything happened. They increased security on campus. You couldn't get on campus anyway without a parking sticker and school ID, but now you couldn't walk the campus without an ID. Days after that started to get back to normal on campus. We all had classes, we all had study groups, and club events. About the 2nd or 3rd day, we started having bomb threats that would evacuate the school. The television was on to FOX or CNN almost constantly. It was a while before things got truly back to normal at least for me.</p>
<p>So this week, other than Savannah's birthday, is not a happy week. 9/11 is tomorrow. Tuesday. 11 years ago. And the weather is forcasted to be the same as it was on that morning: Sunny, cool, and eerily beautiful. It's kind of haunting actually. And then Thursday is 3 years since my brother's passing. I will be at the Air Force Museum volunteering the information desk in my brother's honor. The Air Force Marathon in 2009 was going on the same weekend we laid my brother to rest. It's just fitting. </p>My Nephew Tyler's first day of school. Kindergarten.tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-08-14:3404507:BlogPost:9428942012-08-14T20:57:18.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210108?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-center" height="334" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210108?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" style="width: 461px; height: 265px;" width="583"></img></a></p>
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<p>Tyler is growing up fast. He's five and 1/2 and today was his first day of Kindergarten. I miss the baby, but I love that he's a smart little man. He said he wanted to be Batman when he grew up. I don't know about that but I know he'll be super. I love my little man and am such a proud…</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210108?profile=original" target="_self"><img style="width: 461px; height: 265px;" class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210108?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="583" height="334"/></a></p>
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<p>Tyler is growing up fast. He's five and 1/2 and today was his first day of Kindergarten. I miss the baby, but I love that he's a smart little man. He said he wanted to be Batman when he grew up. I don't know about that but I know he'll be super. I love my little man and am such a proud Auntie. </p>Sometimes, stuff just happens...tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-07-13:3404507:BlogPost:9337962012-07-13T18:48:33.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>Yesterday was my "Friday the 13th." Not that I believe in superstition, but with all the apprehension built around this day, I figured I would recount my bit of bad luck. Of course, like all stories like this start, it was a day like any other day. I got to work at 7 am and went immediately to the task of opening the Garden Center, putting away returns, getting supplies, and watering plants outside. By 9:45 it was time for break. I got breakfast, did some incidentals, and went back to…</p>
<p>Yesterday was my "Friday the 13th." Not that I believe in superstition, but with all the apprehension built around this day, I figured I would recount my bit of bad luck. Of course, like all stories like this start, it was a day like any other day. I got to work at 7 am and went immediately to the task of opening the Garden Center, putting away returns, getting supplies, and watering plants outside. By 9:45 it was time for break. I got breakfast, did some incidentals, and went back to work. By 11:00 I'm in Personnel, filling out paperwork, and being taken to Urgent Care. Wait, hold up, What? Yeah!!! That's what I was thinking too. Let's back up about 15 minutes. </p>
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<p>After I got off break I started back to watering the houseplants on the tables inside. Of course, because of the way the Garden Center is built (Half-assed), I made a mess where the plants drip, and thus all over the floor. So I started mopping up with the squeegee. I made about 3-4 passes, and the last time I stepped onto the carpet, the whole rug moved out from under my feet. When I hit the floor, my head hit the resin table on the side of my scalp. Immediately, I ha<a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210182?profile=original" target="_self"><img style="width: 197px; height: 140px;" class="align-left" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210182?profile=original" width="209" height="163"/></a>d a knot on my head and I knew that anything to do with my head had to be checked immediately. I called Kathy over who helped me up and called management. Cody and Sam made it back there and looked me over and I told them I had previous history of a subarachnoid hemmorage and anything to do with my head had to be checked immediately per nuerologist and family doctor. They agreed because they could see the large knot forming on my head, and took pictures and took me back to Personnel (HR) to finish paperwork, gather more, take me to Urgent Care for a checkup. Of course that entails taking a drug test too. Whatever, I'm clumsy, not high. </p>
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<p>So bottom line short, I got checked out and released, took the drug test, and went back to work. The picture shows my head right now. Still swollen, still needs to be iced, but no internal injuries, and I have a followup next week, and a nuerology appt. too. My doctors are going to love this. Anyone have bubble wrap? LOL!!!</p>HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS!!!!!!tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-07-04:3404507:BlogPost:9218942012-07-04T18:00:45.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p><a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210247?profile=original"><img class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210247?profile=original" width="500"/></a></p>
<p><a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210247?profile=original"><img class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210247?profile=original" width="500"/></a></p>To all those I may have missed.....tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-03-17:3404507:BlogPost:8742152012-03-17T02:52:40.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p><a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3131581811?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3131581811?profile=original" width="320"/></a></p>
<p><a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3131581811?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3131581811?profile=original" width="320"/></a></p>Happy Valentine's Daytag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-02-12:3404507:BlogPost:8622492012-02-12T05:22:16.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>To all of you: I hope you have a great Valentine's week. I've missed quite a few events and I'll probably miss more due to work. But I'm still around and I miss you all. </p>
<p>To all of you: I hope you have a great Valentine's week. I've missed quite a few events and I'll probably miss more due to work. But I'm still around and I miss you all. </p>Brain meltdownstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-10-21:3404507:BlogPost:7986592011-10-21T08:01:03.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>Well, it has been a long month. If I could turn back time I would go back to the night I felt the worst pain of my life. I have always had migraines so I really didn't think it was that serious. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and as I was coming back to bed I felt like my brain exploded. This resulted in a 9 day migraine complete with the fun stuff that comes with it. I went to the Dr. who decided I had that headache way too long and ordered a CT scan of my…</p>
<p>Well, it has been a long month. If I could turn back time I would go back to the night I felt the worst pain of my life. I have always had migraines so I really didn't think it was that serious. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and as I was coming back to bed I felt like my brain exploded. This resulted in a 9 day migraine complete with the fun stuff that comes with it. I went to the Dr. who decided I had that headache way too long and ordered a CT scan of my head. That night she called me and told me to get to the hospital immediately and that athey were waiting for me in the ER. </p>
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<p>When I got there, they were indeed waiting on me. They had everything set up. I was going to be care-flighted to a hospital in Dayton that specialized in Neurology. That unnerved me. I had never been in a helicopter before, let alone strapped to a gurney. What I didn't realize was that I was in real danger. I had an aneurysm and blood was detected around my brain. My blood pressure was also out of control. Most likely from the stress of the situation. I tend to have a white coat phobia. I see a white coat and my blood pressure goes through the roof. </p>
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<p>So anyway, I got to Miami Valley and they started me on meds right away in the ICU. I spent like 5 days there. 2 days ICU and 3 regular room. I hate the freaking beds. Just saying. I got sent home and within 2 days I passed out in the shower. Miami Valley OD'd me on BP meds to the point that when the squad came my bp was hardly able to sustain life. Not to mention several infections I had from the other hospital. My temperature would spike to over 100 and my kidneys were failing. I was literally dying and it started with a head bleed. So I spent 2 days in ICU at this hospital and 4 days in a regular room. The bed was slightly better (not much) but I couldn't sleep anyway for the noise in the hall and the nurses coming in at all hours. </p>
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<p>So, to make an incredibly long story short, I'm back home, feeling better but I can't drive or go anywhere by myself. When you have a brain injury or illness (whatever) you can't drive because you could have a relapse behind the wheel. So in order to get my freedom back, I had another brain scan on Wednesday and next Wednesday I get to go back to Miami Valley for an exam. Let's hope they release me because I'm tired of sitting around this house. I'm ready to go back to work. </p>
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<p> </p>United We Stand; Divided We Falltag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-07-20:3404507:BlogPost:6952682011-07-20T17:15:01.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
I realize I'm merely mortal but I have to weigh in here on the state of the Cullen family. I've had to learn very recently that family is the most important institution. Without which we are lost. If anyone has been feeling lost lately its me. I've lost 2 of the four of my family in less than a year and a half. Both to the enemies of Cancer and emphysema. My father and I are all that we have left as far as immediate family is concerned. So its upsetting that the Cullens are tearing…
I realize I'm merely mortal but I have to weigh in here on the state of the Cullen family. I've had to learn very recently that family is the most important institution. Without which we are lost. If anyone has been feeling lost lately its me. I've lost 2 of the four of my family in less than a year and a half. Both to the enemies of Cancer and emphysema. My father and I are all that we have left as far as immediate family is concerned. So its upsetting that the Cullens are tearing themselves apart, or so it seems. Esme and Edward had a falling out. I get that. It was between them. Siblings are angry because mom needed time away because she's upset. I get that too. Children, regardless of how old, mortal or immortal feel secure when the family is together to have this happen, I'm sure makes everyone seem insecure and unsure of the future. I feel that way now. I feel very insecure because my world as I knew it was ultimately destroyed. I feel lost too. However, instead of tearing into each other no matter how justified one feels toward the offender, you should be pulling together. Esme will be back. She loves you. She truly does. Carlisle loves you. It will take time to heal the wounds but you need to stick together instead of amputating yourselves. Love heals all. Anger and blame are divisive. They don't accomplish anything. Forgiveness is what is needed right now. Do you really want to be apart right now? When you know that there are enemies that would love to take advantage? I wouldn't want to see that. United you stand, and you can defeat anything or anyone, and overcome all things. Divided you fall.What real family is---(a rebuttal of Jane Volturi's Blog post)tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-07-05:3404507:BlogPost:6720282011-07-05T23:00:00.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p><span class="font-size-4" style="color: #ffff00;">Ok, first I have to get my childish feelings out. I never read such idiotic drivel about what a family is according to Jane Volturi. She has absolutely no idea what family is. </span></p>
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<p><span class="font-size-4" style="color: #ffff00;">Here is the dictionary definition of what a family is: </span></p>
<strong><span style="color: #339966;"><span class="hw">fam·i·ly</span> <span class="pron">(f<img align="absbottom" src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/abreve.gif"></img> m…<img align="absbottom" src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/prime.gif"></img> <img align="absbottom" src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/schwa.gif"></img></span></span></strong>
<p><span class="font-size-4" style="color: #ffff00;">Ok, first I have to get my childish feelings out. I never read such idiotic drivel about what a family is according to Jane Volturi. She has absolutely no idea what family is. </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font-size-4" style="color: #ffff00;">Here is the dictionary definition of what a family is: </span></p>
<strong><span style="color: #339966;"><span class="hw">fam·i·ly</span> <span class="pron">(f<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/abreve.gif" align="absbottom"/>m<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/prime.gif" align="absbottom"/><img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/schwa.gif" align="absbottom"/>-l<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/emacr.gif" align="absbottom"/>, f<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/abreve.gif" align="absbottom"/>m<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/prime.gif" align="absbottom"/>l<img src="http://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/emacr.gif" align="absbottom"/>)</span><i>n.</i> <i>pl.</i> fam·i·lies<br/>
</span></strong><br/>
<div class="ds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">1.</span></strong><div class="sds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.</span></strong></div>
<div class="sds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.</span></strong></div>
</div>
<div class="ds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">2. All the members of a household under one roof.</span></strong></div>
<div class="ds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/collective+noun">collective noun</a>.</span></strong></div>
<div class="ds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">4. Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.</span></strong></div>
<div class="ds-list"><strong><span style="color: #339966;">5. A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.</span></strong></div>
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<p><b><span class="font-size-4">Jane, you and Alec fall under: 1a, 3, 4, and 5. The Cullens fall under definition 1b, and 2. </span></b></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff0000;">It amuses me because, if you look at their "family," it's quite dysfunctional and weird. How is it that you can all have your mates under one roof and not one of them even has any kind of blood relation? How can you call that a family? It's a coven and that's it.</span></p>
<p><b><span class="font-size-4">Really Jane? You want to talk about dysfunctional and weird? You've lived for thousands of years under coven masters who routinely ask you to cause harm and death to others. You enjoy it. And you miss a common ideal--they can have all their mates under one roof because they LOVE each other as siblings, and as children to their creator. Its loyalty. They entered into a social contract to live together in peace between themselves, the humans around them, and their surrounding environment. They choose to live in peace and never ever knowingly cause harm to the humans them or their environment. You chose to enter a social contract in which you are subservient to an oligarchy, you hate human life, and you don't necessarily care whether you live in peace or not. Also, you have no idea what it is to actually feel love instead of duty to someone.</span></b></p>
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<p><span style="color: #ff0000;">Real family is related by blood. Born of the same mother (not "reborn" from the same maker). I do not call Aro my father. He is my maker. I had a mother and a father once. Real family is what my dear brother and I are. We were born of the same mother. We were raised by the same parents. Lived under the same household. Almost met our demise side-by-side in the same fashion. We were saved by Aro and changed by him simultaneously. And to this very day, we remain side-by-side as guards of the Volturi. Still brother and sister.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ffff00;" class="font-size-4">Not so Jane. Then explain human adoption. Explain foster care. Expain children abused by their own "PARENTS". <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Blood does not make family. Love, respect, honor and trust do.</strong></span> YOU were changed by Aro and immediately began your servitude. YOu know no other life. But you have witnessed it. You just refuse to accept it.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff0000;">That, my friends, is all I have to share this evening. I've been very busy around the castle. I watched the newscast last night on television and had to take care of some rogue vampires who thought it would be okay to massacre a small neighborhood just because it was nighttime. The vampires didn't even have the decency to clean up the bodies afterwards. So, as you can imagine, I was very busy last night with Aro and my brother, torturing and reminding our fellow Italian vampires of the laws they must abide by. I am exhausted. I must try to relax and regain my strength in case more occurrences happen tonight and Aro needs me again. The life of a Volturi can drain you rather quickly. Until my next entry, have a wonderful evening.</span></p>
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<p><span style="color: #ffff00;"><span class="font-size-4">See this is what I'm talking about. You enjoy torturing people and claim to not understand people who live peaceful existences. I wonder if you would be much happier not having to kill or maim someone at any given day. I don't mind justice when justice is necessary but honestly you sound sadistic. IF the life of the Volturi can drain you so quickly imagine on the other hand how fulfilled the Cullens are that they can love and live peacefully. I'm sure that has to be an energizing and happy feeling. </span></span></p>
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<p><span style="color: #ff0000;"><span style="color: #0000ff;" class="font-size-4"><span style="color: #ffff00;">My point is dearest Jane is that while you live the way you do because you enjoy it and no one understands how you could. The Cullen's alternative lifestyle seems much more appealing to me. To judge someone because you have never experienced their POV or life is ignorant and prejudiced. Please understand how the same can be said of yours. Don't judge lest yourself be judged. I may have something to say later. I reserve the right to edit this at anytime.</span> <br/></span></span></p>
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<p><span class="font-size-4" style="color: #0000ff;"><br/></span></p>HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-07-05:3404507:BlogPost:6714922011-07-05T03:00:00.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213751?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213751?profile=original" width="492"/></a>
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213751?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213751?profile=original" width="492"/></a>You can't be everything to everyone else. I've failed Everyone!tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-06-15:3404507:BlogPost:6490342011-06-15T19:50:59.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>I'm tired of the drama, the anxiety attacks and everything that goes with it: the nausea, vomiting, headaches, panic attacks, and tears. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I got thrown out of the graduate program today. SO essentially, I got kicked out of school. Why? Because I screwed up trying to meet everyone's expectations than my own. Last week, I was writing a final paper. Actually, I had been writing it for some time. I was ready to send it and mysteriously, could not find the files I needed to…</p>
<p>I'm tired of the drama, the anxiety attacks and everything that goes with it: the nausea, vomiting, headaches, panic attacks, and tears. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I got thrown out of the graduate program today. SO essentially, I got kicked out of school. Why? Because I screwed up trying to meet everyone's expectations than my own. Last week, I was writing a final paper. Actually, I had been writing it for some time. I was ready to send it and mysteriously, could not find the files I needed to send. So I wrote the paper again, forgetting to add the additional citations into the paper (I"m not good at writing papers at all. In fact, I hate writing them. I'm always afraid I'm going to forget something or someone in my notes.) So it was deemed plagiarism. Intended or not even though I found the original files and brought them to her to compare. The consequences stuck. She failed me for the quarter. After all that work I put in for nothing. And she is recommending that I am removed from the program. She is the chair and has basically thrown me out of the program. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As sick as I am about what has been done and the fact that I failed myself and everyone else. Its the everyone else that bothers me the most. It hurts to look my father in the eye and tell him that I failed. I tried so hard to make something out of this life and I failed. It makes me physically ill. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe, its time I do something for myself. Give myself some relief. I need to go back to teaching. GO back to the kids that I love and finally do something that will make me proud. Instead of trying to be more than I am. Its time I go back to subbing. I did that because I liked it. Made me feel more fullfilled. THere are other things I want to do. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm still upset that I failed everyone. I failed everyone, not because I messed up, but because I wasn't true to myself. That is something I can fix. The rest is done and over.</p>Yeah, this is me for the next week.tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-05-25:3404507:BlogPost:6245912011-05-25T05:34:42.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213685?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213685?profile=original" width="500"/></a>
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213685?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213685?profile=original" width="500"/></a>Just thought this was funny.tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-05-24:3404507:BlogPost:6229922011-05-24T05:34:50.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213867?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213867?profile=original" width="368"/></a><br/>
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213867?profile=original"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150213867?profile=original" width="368"/></a><br/>Just things on my mind.tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-02-22:3404507:BlogPost:5163632011-02-22T04:31:22.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>I had my appointment with my advisor today. It really didn't go as badly as I thought it might. I don't know why I thought it would be bad except that I tend to get along with male superiors than with female. I do like Dr. Herriger though. She went through my DARS report. (Actually she had to make one up for me), so she actually went to my transcripts to see what I've done. The bottom line is I'm 2 classes and a thesis away from my Masters in History: Early Modern Europe and United…</p>
<p>I had my appointment with my advisor today. It really didn't go as badly as I thought it might. I don't know why I thought it would be bad except that I tend to get along with male superiors than with female. I do like Dr. Herriger though. She went through my DARS report. (Actually she had to make one up for me), so she actually went to my transcripts to see what I've done. The bottom line is I'm 2 classes and a thesis away from my Masters in History: Early Modern Europe and United States History 1865 to the Present. She changed my Spring class to Decorative Art History to fullfill the last American History Seminar (could also fullfill European Seminar but I'm done there). Then I have to take a class in the fall (which she already pre-registered me for) Historical Methods. In this class I will learn about Historiography and write my Thesis Prospectus. In the winter and Spring I will be writing my Thesis. I graduate in May/June 2012. However, I can also continue and double major in Poli Science with a concentration in International Affairs/International Law. (This is what I'm really wanting to do. I want to infuse my History Thesis and Poli Sci Thesis together and graduate a double Master.) Her idea is to finish the history degree so I can take the interview offer at Clark State and then do a poli sci Master. </p>
<p>In other news--I have a grief counseling meeting tomorrow. So I've started that back up. I sometimes feel the grief very deep in my bones and I miss my family. I find myself crying at a drop of the hat and sometimes I feel like my body is going to crush in on itself. I'm smoking again (yeah I know its bad and the entire lecture series. Please don't judge me right now. Your not thinking anything I haven't already thought and said myself.) The only other way I feel I can legitimize it (it doesn't) is that I'm not drinking. Sometimes I wonder if the anti-depressants are working. It doesn't help that there is an International Manhunt for this ass that killed his 26 year old stepdaughter in the basement of her mother's house, kidnapped an elderly couple and stole their car. No one knows where the elderly couple is (They are dead, let's face it). The car was found at a rest stop. This happened 20 miles from here and it just makes me sad. I don't know why. Again its a damn miracle I'm not drunk all the time. It amazes Dr. Herringer that I've been able to hang on to any resemblance of an academic career through this. I told her I can't be idle and I like learning even though my focus on reading and writing sucks right now. I used to be able to finish a book a week, sometimes 2. Now I have problems with simple chapters and 1 book and my writing has gone from good to ok and down to shit. Sometimes I read what I write and just shake my head. Not because the theme and facts aren't right, its just has no organization, focus and grammar mistakes an amatuer can locate without much effort. It's pathetic at my level.</p>
<p>The weather is starting to add to my profound sadness. Between the gloom, the tastes of spring (60-70 degree days), and the snow and ice storms I'm starting to just feel crushed. There was something else I wanted to talk about and I forgot what it was. I guess I'll add a supplement when I think about it.</p>Trying to Find a Sense of Normalcytag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-01-29:3404507:BlogPost:4835112011-01-29T03:22:32.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>I've always been the sort of person that followed a routine. Get up, eat something, go to work, go to school (whatever was on schedule for the day), talk to my mother after my day was done, have supper with her, and get ready for the next day to start over again. This sounds like a boring existence, and in fact I would have agreed with you about a month ago. But when one of the elements of your routine is missing, it throws everything else off. I miss my mother. I miss talking to her,…</p>
<p>I've always been the sort of person that followed a routine. Get up, eat something, go to work, go to school (whatever was on schedule for the day), talk to my mother after my day was done, have supper with her, and get ready for the next day to start over again. This sounds like a boring existence, and in fact I would have agreed with you about a month ago. But when one of the elements of your routine is missing, it throws everything else off. I miss my mother. I miss talking to her, and I miss having supper with her and telling her about my day.</p>
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<p>Next weekend I go back to work. I have to try to get back on a routine. A new routine that will account for the missing piece of the old routine but will allow a smooth transition. Everyday activities do not feel right without her here. It just feels like emptiness. There is no conflict, there is no happiness, or sense of contention. Life is just living. Speaking for myself, I find it very difficult to find a reason for this existence. Right now, that's all I'm doing is existing. My heart has a huge void in it for want of my beloved family members. My memories are filled with remembering my family all together. It hasn't been like that for years. I knew one day I would lose my parents. Every child knows they should be the ones to bury their parents. However, I never thought I would still be young when I buried one parent and the one person I thought would help me with this unfortunate task. Losing a sibling is like losing one of your limbs. I am now an entity less one limb and a void in her heart. I've got to find my way in this world and make this existence worth living. This is my new task. </p>When Mortal Hearts Breaktag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-01-23:3404507:BlogPost:4802612011-01-23T06:48:36.000ZAngeliahttps://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/AngeliaSuzanne
<p>I'm new to Cullen's Online. I needed something besides homework to keep my mind busy. Three weeks ago I lost my beloved mother to a horrific disease that wasted her body for over 5 years. To watch a once strong woman disolve from the person she once was to a mere skeleton with skin was an experience I would not wish on Satan himself. To make matters worst, only a year and 4 months prior we lost my brother to Melanoma skin Cancer at the age of 30. He left behind his beautiful wife and 2…</p>
<p>I'm new to Cullen's Online. I needed something besides homework to keep my mind busy. Three weeks ago I lost my beloved mother to a horrific disease that wasted her body for over 5 years. To watch a once strong woman disolve from the person she once was to a mere skeleton with skin was an experience I would not wish on Satan himself. To make matters worst, only a year and 4 months prior we lost my brother to Melanoma skin Cancer at the age of 30. He left behind his beautiful wife and 2 (then) year old son. So needless to say, life in my household has not been easy the last 5 years at least and it went downhill and crashed from there in the last 2 years. My family of 4 has now become a family of 2. My father and I will live here and try to make it in this world together. Considering my teaching career kind of sucks do to the job shortages, I'm stuck subbing and working retail to get through graduate school and hopefully a professorship in some community college. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The bottom line is--I'm pretty much a lost soul. I'm overwhelmed, I'm frightened, and I don't know what is next. I feel like I need an escape because reality has made a sharp right turn into WTFville. If you have any suggestions or guidance, I'm open. </p>