Lately I've been looking through my various keepsakes from my mortal life. Each item is weathered as you would expect, but thats what makes them more valuable to me. Each item tells a story. Could I sit and explain each story? Probably not, but they are reminders that I was once mortal. Some of the items remind me of the fact that I once bled and felt physical pain as mortals do. I keep them to help me stay grounded and retain my humanity. My fear is that one day, I will lose any humanity I have. Katrina does help with that as well. 

As a vampire, I once relished in inflicting pain and suffering on others. I was angry at being ripped from my mortal family and bitter. What made me start to regret that way of life? 

I once killed a man and then watched as his wife and young son suffered from that. The man was innocent and I was thirsty. I felt for that family. His young son was left without a father and role model. It made me no better than the bastard who transformed me and ripped me from my family. From then on, I tried to be more careful, only targeting those who wouldn't be missed or those condemned to death because of a crime, knowing that I would give them a more humane death than they would have received. I never drank from women or children. 

This was why I was so open to becoming a "vegetarian vampire". I did not know that the blood of other creatures would sustain our kind. One could argue that we're still killing a living being, but now we're really no different than mortals, but something weighs heavily on my mind. Can we be vindicated? I've had many conversions about this with Carlisle. If there is an afterlife, I just want my children who have departed the earth long long ago, to forgive me and not see me as a monster. 

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