My first birthday with John: 

Have you ever had a perfectly wonderful day that you never wanted to end, and that you wanted it to go on forever? I did and it was Saturday and it was thanks to John. I know he said that his sister Kat helped, but everything was his idea. It still blows my mind that he even wanted to do anything for my birthday, and I have to say I have never felt so special. And the necklace..that beautiful necklace. He will never understand how much it all meant, well still means to me.

The past several years, I have spent my birthdays alone and off in the woods somewhere feeling sorry for myself if you must know. I know mom and Seth would have done something for me, but I didn’t want anyone going to any trouble for me. And, if I’m being honest here, I really haven’t been a person anyone has really wanted to be around. Yeah, I guess I’ve mellowed some over the past few years, come to grips with things and accepted the status quo as it were, but still I had scared so many people away that I was just used to being alone.

But then I met John. It was in the craziest of ways, I will admit that, but it happened and boom just like that my life changed. At first I wasn’t sure what kind of change it was going to be, well I’m still not completely sure, but every minute I spend with him makes me know that it is definitely for the good. I can’t begin to explain how I feel when I’m with him. I know at first it was the whole imprint thing, but now it’s growing into so much more than that for me. It’s like I’ve known him forever instead of just a few weeks, and what’s weird is that I could swear it might be almost the same for him. I have never felt this way about anyone and while it’s scary in a way, it feels so perfect.

I knew the day was going to be special when I got the orchids and the note from him in the middle of the day. When he picked me up I could tell from the look in his eyes that he actually thought I was beautiful just like his note said. And holy crap, did he ever look amazing in his black suit. And something else…when we were at the restaurant and the waitress was beautiful and gave him “the look”, he only had eyes for me. He was perfect throughout our date, and when he touched me I swear my heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe…but in a very good way. It really was the perfect birthday and saying goodnight was hard. Not that I wanted to go any further, it is much too soon, but that I just wanted to be with him.

Tonight we met at his house for pizza and a movie, and just being with him was amazing. Sometimes he would hold my hand and play with my fingers, and other times he would put his arm around me. But regardless of whether he was holding my hand or putting his arm around me, I felt safe and wanted and like someone besides mom and Seth really and truly cared about me. For the first time in a very long time I felt like I actually belonged somewhere and I can’t describe how that feels.

So now for the kind of hard part, that becomes easier as the time goes by. I know it is way early in our relationship, but the feelings are so strong. Now I can admit to myself that I am falling in love with him, not because he is my imprint but because of the person he is. I can only hope that as we spend more and more time together maybe he will start to have the same feelings about me.  

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