The recent events happening lately with Becs have been overwhelming. When she came to me last Monday, she was beyond devastated. She was in a state of mind unlike what I’ve seen before. I was just finishing cleaning up after dinner when she came knocking on the door, tears filling her eyes. When I saw her then, I knew something was definitely wrong between her and Leo. She’s been telling me these past few weeks about how she was torn between her dreams for the future of founding a family and Leo’s of becoming a great surfer.
Monday afternoon when she came to me, I could tell that she needed the great friend she sees in me to support her. She didn’t feel like talking much, so I just was here for her. I could tell in the way she snuggled me that her mind was racing on thoughts of what happened. How it went from this great almost idyllic world with pieces of her dreams falling to pieces, to seeing it crumble in front of her as the one key piece of that dream flies away to follow another of his dreams. The only other time I saw her crying that much was when her mother died. Knowing she needed some distraction, that night we just sat in front of the tv and watched action movies. After a few hours, she fell asleep of exhaustion.
The way she’s been acting since that night when she told me, I don’t recognize the Becs I know and love like I would a sister. She should be devastated, in pain, not running around smiling and laughing with everyone. She’s not that impulsive usually… Yeah the bike is cool and looks awesome, but she wouldn't have bought the bike like that if she wasn't acting in the heat of the moment, or making such a spur of the moment decision. I loved our time hanging out on Wednesday but there was something that felt wrong about it, about the way she acted. She looked a little too comfortable, at ease with everything that happened yet, there was this edge to her that just tried to reach for help, crying out. I know that we’ve tackled numerous times playfully in the past, but when she pinned me to the ground, it didn’t feel like it usually does… something uncomfortable about it, confusing. Becs is like a sister to me, I wouldn’t want anything to destroy that friendship we have.
Both times I asked her how she was, she just kept on saying she’s great yet, I could feel that it wasn’t entirely the case. Her pinning me the way she did wouldn’t have felt so uncomfortable under normal circumstances. The more I think about it, the more I have a feeling she’s in denial. She’s refusing to face the pain inside her heart, and I’m afraid of her getting hurt even more in the process… I just don’t know how to tell her without hurting her even more, or hurting our friendship. I can just rely on the fact that she knows that I’m here for her if she wants to talk. I’ll have to find a way to talk to her about that sometime, discretely so she doesn’t get hurt and races away again. I just hope everything works out between the two of them, they belong together.
I know I can find a way… I have to…