Wow. Who knew I'd be turning fifty one years old while expecting my 4th child? I surely didn't see that one coming. I guess I did see it coming but it just didn't sink in until today.

I went into the baby's room today and it really hit me. This is happening. A few weeks after my 51st birthday I will once again become a new father. It really IS new to me all this baby stuff. I don't remember how to change a diaper, I surely don't want to get puked or peed on and I don't know about all this crying business either. Sue said it'll all come back in a flash the moment I hold the baby. I sure hope she's right because right now I feel like an awkward, bumbling fool. I don't want Tiffany to know how scared I am so I have on my bravest face (which usually means I dot each conversation we have about the baby with humor and sarcasm It's my way of coping).

I know Tiffany has her reservations about this whole thing too but just look at Embry. He turned out to be an amazing man. My Kids are fantastic adults too. That's the thing. This whole kid thing.. being new again is scary shit. I'm 51 freakin' years old. I just hope that Sue is right and it's like riding a bike and that it comes back.. fast. I'm freakin' out here.

I really do have on my bravest face around Tiff but I think Jake, Rach and Becca know that inside I'm a chaotic mess. Don't get me wrong, I am the happiest man on earth and so very blessed that I am becoming a father again. It's truly the most amazing feeling on earth that Tiffany and I were gifted with such a beautiful and challenging responsibility, I'm just afraid I may have forgotten a lot of things along the way.

Puking and crying and diapers, Oh my!

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