Sue Clearwater's Blog (30)

My Fear

My heart is broken,

Internally I am brought to my knees,

from the burden and pain of the secret I keep,

the secret I keep from him

I am haunted,

haunted in my every waking hour as well as in my dreams,

the horrors I imagine, the consequences should he discover .....

his world is not as it seems, how much does he know?

Would our friendship survive this deceipt?

Would he ever forgive me?

In this I have no choice, I must wait!

For… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on November 26, 2010 at 10:06am — No Comments

They are not dead, who live in the hearts they leave behind - Tuscarora

All I had ever wanted was a family of my own, a husband and children and I consider myself blessed that both of those dreams cam true. Along with my wedding day, the biryh of my children were the happiest moments of my life.

We are a small but close community, friends who are more like family, we have all watched out for each others children and so it was with great sadness that I watched many friends move away, none more so than John and Alice Lune or Julia Uley, leaving Sam and… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on November 20, 2010 at 8:44am — 1 Comment


There are many words that come to mind at the thought of my, pride, beauty, fear, strength & awe.

From the time Leah was born and I stared into those big brown eyes of hers I lost my heart right there and then, she was an amazingly alert and bright baby, from the moment you were in her presence her eyes would follow your every movement and her smile would light up the room. She captured her heart as all little girls do and in our eyes she was…


Added by Sue Clearwater on August 23, 2010 at 8:04am — No Comments


Bending down to break off a piece of mountain grass, I close my eyes as I let the feathery top run along my hand and immediately I think of home, sighing and opening my eyes, I take in my surroundings, the vast forest stretching out as far as the eye could see, the stunnig fir trees surrounding the cabin was definately what you would call picture pertfect, the sun was just beginning to dip behind the trees and despite the season the air has turned cool. This mountain which I have made my… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on June 16, 2010 at 8:20am — No Comments

A forgotten memory - SWEETDREAMS

Every night after tucking my children into bed, I would kiss and hug them, whispering, "sweet dreams", it had always been my ritual but one night one of my children was most definately not having sweet dreams, Leah and Seth had been fast asleep for hours, Harry and I had not long fallen asleep when I sat bolt upright in bed, awoken by screams from Seths room.

Flinging back the covers I jumped out of bed and raced down the hall to Seths room, who was sitting up in bed, with…

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 27, 2010 at 2:09am — 2 Comments


Reflecting over my life and jotting everything down in my journal, that comes to mind, painful or not I looked at the date on my page and thought long and hard before I realised why it was important, instantly my hand flew instantly to my chest the painful memories of that day all flooding back to me, but no I promised myself, so after taking a deep breath I wrote it all down, whethe I share this with anyone remains to be seen, but here it is according to todays date and my… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 27, 2010 at 2:01am — No Comments

Reliving the past.

Nestled away amongst the large Fir trees I find the cabin is small, welcoming but cosy. I can't even begin to put into words how incredibly grateful I am for this solitude.

Watching as the fire crackles and the flames climb higher I curl up in this old but comfy chair, my blanket wrapped firmly around me and my cup of tea firmly between my hands my emotions have finally caught up with me and my tears stream unchecked down my face. All I can think about is my family,…

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 27, 2010 at 1:37am — No Comments

In order to leave, you have to say Goodbye

The 16th of March loomed ahead, it would signify 4 years, 4 long years without Harry, as I lay there in my bed I looked across at the empty space beside me and for the first time in a long time, I grabbed Harry's pillow and hugged in to my chest, "What is wrong with me", I thought as the tears streamed down my face, my heart contracting in pain.

I've been through al this haven't I, said my goodbyes, grieved, shaking my head I miserably climbed out of bed and after checking both Leah… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on May 18, 2010 at 12:30am — 3 Comments

Valentines Day with a difference

Another year has passed and Valentines is upon us once more. Beautiful bouquets of roses on display spill out of florists everywhere onto the street. Crisp white, or deep ruby red the surrounding air is thick with their sweet perfume. Despite all the love and happiness a hint of sadness still lingers in the air. Every now and then it makes its presence known, a lonely heart wandering the beach alone or a solitary figure sitting on a park bench.

Fastwarding through my day, I find… Continue

Added by Sue Clearwater on March 15, 2010 at 8:09am — No Comments

My Kids

My kids were just normal happy kids, they fought, bickered and annoyed each other just as other siblings do, sometimes they still do, but they're not the normal happy kids they once were. Of course there are obvious changes, one being neither are children any longer. Leah is a grown woman of 23 and Seth 17, it's been years now since their lives were forever changed.

The year they both phased for the first time was traumatic to say the least, Seth was so excited afterwards but the…


Added by Sue Clearwater on February 10, 2010 at 3:04am — 3 Comments


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