For weeks now my thoughts have been over run with only a few things.  My duties, and then Heidi and Corin.  So much so that I have filled almost an entire journal trying to get my thoughts sorted and straight.  My duties will always come first.  

I have always had very different relationships with both of these women.…

Like every woman on this planet I also wanted a baby a family of my own, reason number one why I hated this life when I was turned and why instead of being grateful to Carlisle for saving me I resented him for some it, I know it took me some time for me to get over that feeling  but in a way I always admire him and Esme for what they were doing, Esme was so sweet and understanding just like a real mother would and even if I sometimes just blocked them away, it wasn’t because I still resented…

Growing up, I had few friends. My parents didn’t approve of most of them, and wouldn’t let me have or go on sleepovers or outings. I hated it, it made me the outsider. As I got older I learned ways around their disapproval, and made a few friends, but no one really close. Even within my family, my cousins were not allowed to get too close.

So when I got to La Push, it was like a curtain had been drawn back and sunshine was finally allowed in. One of the first people to…

For years I had been wondering how it would feel to be in love, to care for someone else in a different way than the feelings you have towards your family, but I could have not find out in the worse possible moment, when I saw Heidi and Demetri that way, my un beating heart felt as if someone was crushing it with their bare hands and not just someone but them, in that moment so many things crossed my mind, like when they both had told me nothing had ever happen, how Demetri had told me he…

Sitting down and taking quill to paper as I have so many times before.  A skill that many have lost.  The sound of the quill scratching on the paper is one I still find soothing.  Quill, ink and old paper.  Memories of my past.  But yet they still feel right.  more so than pencil or pen.