Carlisle Cullen MD's Posts - Cullens Online2024-03-29T10:25:17ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMDhttp://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3144235250?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://thecullensonline.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=3o7154zlrqcil&xn_auth=noItaly, Summer 2020tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2020-08-02:3404507:BlogPost:12454082020-08-02T22:41:31.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>The summer days bleed into nights and pass with such ease and care. I find myself sitting and reminiscing about days gone by. Jane and Alec, Renata, Heidi, Felix and Demetri... we were all quite good friends at one time. Some of my fondest memories are of that time, carefree days and nights, parlor games, hide and seek, tag, cricket and a game that is, today, called, Capture the Flag or Man Hunt. Sometimes our games stretched into week long escapades of endless laughter and fun. To feel that…</p>
<p>The summer days bleed into nights and pass with such ease and care. I find myself sitting and reminiscing about days gone by. Jane and Alec, Renata, Heidi, Felix and Demetri... we were all quite good friends at one time. Some of my fondest memories are of that time, carefree days and nights, parlor games, hide and seek, tag, cricket and a game that is, today, called, Capture the Flag or Man Hunt. Sometimes our games stretched into week long escapades of endless laughter and fun. To feel that again would be bliss. I look back on those times as somewhat of a childhood though in reality, all of us were already at least a century old. As I near my 400th year of existence (recently celebrated 380 years) I realise how much time really means. I respect it, fear it and love it all at the same time. I see how precious it is and I don't take a single moment for granted. We are considered immortal yet that is merely a parlor trick. We are no more immortal than any other being, we are simply difficult to kill. Every moment spent here in this castle reminds me of that. </p>
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<p>Alice and Jasper are spending the evening outside in Aro's Lily garden. Alice has expressed an interest in having such a garden and Renata is seeing to it that her desires are met while she is here. They are trying their best to lull her into a sense of belonging and I know that Chelsea has been hard at work doing as Aro instructs. In a way I can't blame him for trying as he does. He is the patriarch of his family, the same as I am of mine. His intentions are not malicious. His intentions are to create and protect the family he has worked so hard to create and grow. Adding Alice to his family would greatly benefit them all. His intentions, as they have always been, are to entice them to come willingly. He wants no bad blood, no reason for regret. He simply does not see that Alice's heart and desires lay with the Cullen family. No matter how hard he tries, what he offers, how he tempts... she will always find her way back to us and of that I am one hundred percent confident.</p>
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<p>So while we spend the Summer here, at Alice's request, we learn, we grow and our family bonds strengthen. Aro's plans will never pan out as he wishes and a part of me believes he already knows this. I suppose we shall see over the next few weeks how things go. For now, Esme and I will enjoy the refreshing evenings of the Volterra countryside as the rest of the family learns and grows from this experience.</p>Winds of Changetag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2018-10-08:3404507:BlogPost:12180752018-10-08T13:00:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>As with a lot of the population, change is something that most of us resist. It's not easy to accept drastic change and it can take it's toll on us in several ways. I see how it challenges my family. Some are ready for the big move, some are hesitant and some are never ready and simply cannot cope. </p>
<p>I have been observing my own family over the past few months as we've discussed the possibility of the 'great move' once again. We have done this, of course, several times in the past and…</p>
<p>As with a lot of the population, change is something that most of us resist. It's not easy to accept drastic change and it can take it's toll on us in several ways. I see how it challenges my family. Some are ready for the big move, some are hesitant and some are never ready and simply cannot cope. </p>
<p>I have been observing my own family over the past few months as we've discussed the possibility of the 'great move' once again. We have done this, of course, several times in the past and it's never an easy discussion. Esme becomes withdrawn and extends herself, overly, into her work. She is away from home on business more frequently than usual and finds remote clients to whom she travels for consults. I feel that in a way, this is how she escapes the thoughts and ideas of moving away. Forks, this home, this place... this is her forever and when we have to leave, it will be very hard on her. I believe she will be affected by it the most. We can, of course, return here one day and will keep the house as it is. Our friends will always have a place to stay if they are stopping by on their travels and we will return for frequent visits so see Jacob and Renesmee. We just cannot stay here, exist here, 'live' here without eyes falling upon us for our unchanging appearances.</p>
<p>My colleagues look at me differently. They ask me what my secret to my youth is. I cannot keep saying, "Just good genetics, I suppose" or "I've never touched a drink or a cigarette in my life!" because those statements can only carry me so far. They are starting to look at me closer. I am aware of it and I know that the 'great move' is becoming more and more a reality.</p>
<p>We had discussed moving to Isle Esme for a time, but I prefer that as a place of recreation and relaxation rather than our 'home'. I would like to stay as local as is possible but without being close enough to be recognised. This is difficult for me in my profession. I will have to employ J.Jenks once again and see what magic he can do with documents and internet wiping. That''s the hardest part. My job is very high profile and not exactly what you would expect of someone of my 'kind'. The other's can blend more easily and are not as obvious. I suppose there is a chance that I may step away from the medical field for a few decades. We'll see what happens. As long as Jenks has our backs with paper work, documents and internet, we are potentially golden.<br/> Alice always seems the most eager for a change of scenery and the start of a new chapter. Her energy keeps me moving forward. She knows the potential danger in staying in one place too long and is always open to new places, new faces and new challenges. Jasper will follow her to the ends of the Earth. I don't feel that he is as eager for new experiences as Alice is but he will do what she needs in order to keep the balance between them.<br/> Emmett is much like Alice in that he embraces new people, new places and new experiences. He is not quite as extroverted as Alice is but he settles into a new routine in a new place fairly easily. <br/> Rosalie is a lot like Esme. She is very grounded, very much needing a constant in her life. She is not open to change, she is not happy when the challenge of something new is placed before her. She likes a constant comfortable, safe feeling and moving for her, as it is with Esme, is always difficult. <br/> This time it will be different. Edward and Bella are a huge part of the picture now as is Renesmee and Jacob. I do not know if they will be receptive to a move, how they will react, what their feelings will be. This will, potentially, be Bella's first time matriculating into High School with the Cullen 'kids'. I don't know how she will feel about this, if she can adapt or if she would be willing to even attempt it. It is not easy, but they choose to do so and have for decades. Edward and Bella could go off up into Northern Canada or out to Alaska and stay on the low for a decade or two if they chose to do so. We will all have a family meeting about all of these possibilities in the next month or two.<br/> The time has come, the winds of change are blowing and we must go.</p>Another Rainy Day in Forkstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2017-12-29:3404507:BlogPost:12142122017-12-29T18:56:44.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>With the rain today we have decided to head out for some, much needed, family time. We are going hiking up in the northern part of Vancouver where the forest is thick and teeming with Elk, Mountain Lions and Black Bears. I'm sure I will get some good use out of my new Canon EOS 70D that I got for Christmas. I love this thing and cannot wait to see what kind of captures I can get on the various settings. We need some new photos on the walls here in my office and my goal for 2018 is to shoot…</p>
<p>With the rain today we have decided to head out for some, much needed, family time. We are going hiking up in the northern part of Vancouver where the forest is thick and teeming with Elk, Mountain Lions and Black Bears. I'm sure I will get some good use out of my new Canon EOS 70D that I got for Christmas. I love this thing and cannot wait to see what kind of captures I can get on the various settings. We need some new photos on the walls here in my office and my goal for 2018 is to shoot some great photographs.</p>
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<p>We are heading northward and will meet up with our Denali cousins who are in Vancouver for the New Year and are, as we are, having some much needed family time. It will be good to see them again as it's been way too long since our last visit. Vancouver is the perfect place for us to meet up.<br/><br/>Esme has some business to attend in Vancouver, Alice has some shopping to do and will drag Rosalie along with her. Emmett and Jasper and I will simply go out on a guys day excursion while the women hit the shops. I'm looking forward for some good family time. I feel like 2017 has slipped past with very minimal family time and that's not something I want for 2018. We are strongest when we are bonding and spending time together. </p>
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<p>My wish for you for the coming year is happiness, health and a lot of time spent with your family and friends!</p>
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<p>HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!</p>Changing of the Seasonstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2017-10-24:3404507:BlogPost:12117972017-10-24T13:19:35.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>The Pacific Northwest is rather mild as far as extreme temperatures go. We do, however, get quite a lot of precipitation and the autumn season is more dreary than the rest of the year. This makes Autumn and Winter some of my favorite months. We tend to spend a lot more time together outdoors now. It's a given really as the weather cooperates with our particular needs.</p>
<p>Hiking throughout the region is our family's favorite bonding activity. I've recently started a new hobby. Photography…</p>
<p>The Pacific Northwest is rather mild as far as extreme temperatures go. We do, however, get quite a lot of precipitation and the autumn season is more dreary than the rest of the year. This makes Autumn and Winter some of my favorite months. We tend to spend a lot more time together outdoors now. It's a given really as the weather cooperates with our particular needs.</p>
<p>Hiking throughout the region is our family's favorite bonding activity. I've recently started a new hobby. Photography has piqued my interest so I've taken it upon myself to take a local class and have started taking photos. I enjoy it tremendously and hope to cover the walls of my office with some of the photos I've taken. </p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150215187?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="750" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150215187?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="750" class="align-center"/></a></p>
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<p>I encourage you to pick up a new hobby. Find something that interests you and go for it. It's quite invigorating to indulge into something new. You never know, it might be exactly what you need.</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150215357?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="750" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150215357?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="750" class="align-center"/></a></p>Meyers Briggs Personality Testtag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2017-03-26:3404507:BlogPost:11776202017-03-26T22:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Pretty accurate for me, if I do say so myself!<br></br> <br></br> DEFENDER PERSONALITY (ISFJ, -A/-T)<br></br> Read more and take the test here- <a href="http://16personalities.com" target="_blank">16personalities.com</a><br></br> <br></br> "Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others."<br></br> Brian Tracy<br></br> The Defender personality type is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have…</p>
<p>Pretty accurate for me, if I do say so myself!<br/> <br/> DEFENDER PERSONALITY (ISFJ, -A/-T)<br/> Read more and take the test here- <a href="http://16personalities.com" target="_blank">16personalities.com</a><br/> <br/> "Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others."<br/> Brian Tracy<br/> The Defender personality type is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. As with so many things, people with the Defender personality type are more than the sum of their parts, and it is the way they use these strengths that defines who they are.<br/> <br/> Defenders are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess and engaging the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity.<br/> There’s hardly a better type to make up such a large proportion of the population, nearly 13%. Combining the best of tradition and the desire to do good, Defenders are found in lines of work with a sense of history behind them, such as medicine, academics and charitable social work.<br/> <br/> Defender (ISFJ) personality<br/> Defender personalities (especially Turbulent ones) are often meticulous to the point of perfectionism, and though they procrastinate, they can always be relied on to get the job done on time. Defenders take their responsibilities personally, consistently going above and beyond, doing everything they can to exceed expectations and delight others, at work and at home.<br/> <br/> We Must Be Seen to Be Believed<br/> <br/> The challenge for Defenders is ensuring that what they do is noticed. They have a tendency to underplay their accomplishments, and while their kindness is often respected, more cynical and selfish people are likely to take advantage of Defenders’ dedication and humbleness by pushing work onto them and then taking the credit. Defenders need to know when to say no and stand up for themselves if they are to maintain their confidence and enthusiasm.<br/> <br/> Naturally social, an odd quality for Introverts, Defenders utilize excellent memories not to retain data and trivia, but to remember people, and details about their lives. When it comes to gift-giving, Defenders have no equal, using their imagination and natural sensitivity to express their generosity in ways that touch the hearts of their recipients. While this is certainly true of their coworkers, whom people with the Defender personality type often consider their personal friends, it is in family that their expressions of affection fully bloom.<br/> <br/> If I Can Protect You, I Will<br/> <br/> Defender personalities are a wonderful group, rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished. Defenders’ ability to connect with others on an intimate level is unrivaled among Introverts, and the joy they experience in using those connections to maintain a supportive, happy family is a gift for everyone involved. They may never be truly comfortable in the spotlight, and may feel guilty taking due credit for team efforts, but if they can ensure that their efforts are recognized, Defenders are likely to feel a level of satisfaction in what they do that many other personality types can only dream of.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/> DEFENDER PERSONALITY – CONCLUSION<br/> <br/> Few personality types are as practical and dedicated as Defenders. Known for their reliability and altruism, Defenders are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves and their loved ones. Defenders’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.<br/> <br/> Yet Defenders can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder, or managing their workload, Defenders need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.<br/> <br/> Defender (ISFJ) personality<br/> What you have read so far is just an introduction into the complex concept that is the Defender personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, “wow, this is so accurate it’s a little creepy” or “finally, someone understands me!” You may have even asked “how do they know more about me than the people I’m closest to?”<br/> <br/> This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We’ve studied how Defenders think and what they need to reach their full potential. And no, we did not spy on you – many of the challenges you’ve faced and will face in the future have been overcome by other Defenders. You simply need to learn how they succeeded.<br/> <br/> But in order to do that, you need to have a plan, a personal roadmap. The best car in the world will not take you to the right place if you do not know where you want to go. We have told you how Defenders tend to behave in certain circumstances and what their key strengths and weaknesses are. Now we need to go much deeper into your personality type and answer “why?”, “how?” and “what if?”<br/> <br/> This knowledge is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. Are you ready to learn why Defenders act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your true, exceptional potential?<br/> <br/> Our premium profiles provide a roadmap towards a happier, more successful, and more versatile YOU! They are not for everyone though – you need to be willing and able to challenge yourself, to go beyond the obvious, to imagine and follow your own path instead of just going with the flow. If you want to take the reins into your own hands, we are here to help you.<br/> <br/> 9. PREMIUM PROFILE<br/> 7. WORKPLACE HABITS</p>A few notes from today 2/24/17tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2017-02-24:3404507:BlogPost:11732632017-02-24T23:51:29.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>A few flurries fly and the whole of Forks seems on edge. There were seven accidents today which brought people into the ER. All of that from a few snow flurries. That's not even mentioning how many incidents there were that did not involve injury. </p>
<p>It snows, people panic. Why is that? I have never understood why and I suppose I just never will. <br></br>I treated a few bruises, scrapes and a concussion. Someone slid into a cyclist. Lucky for him, the automobile was not moving very fast…</p>
<p>A few flurries fly and the whole of Forks seems on edge. There were seven accidents today which brought people into the ER. All of that from a few snow flurries. That's not even mentioning how many incidents there were that did not involve injury. </p>
<p>It snows, people panic. Why is that? I have never understood why and I suppose I just never will. <br/>I treated a few bruises, scrapes and a concussion. Someone slid into a cyclist. Lucky for him, the automobile was not moving very fast when it struck him. He has a few lacerations and a good bruise on his left thigh. He was wearing a helmet. It saved him from further injury.</p>
<p>A patient came in with a curious injury. He had been hiking alone in the light snow fall off trail out in the rainforest. Lots of things wrong with that statement. 1. Off Trail. 2. Rainforest. 3. Snow 4. Winter Hiking. 5. Alone. </p>
<p>No. No. No. No and absolutely NO. What are people thinking? Why do humans insist on doing these things? <br/>He slid down a small embankment and got his knee wedged between two roots. LUCKILY he had his cell phone with him and it did not get separated from him when he fell. He was able to call for help. Again... lucky. Most of the time there's barely even any good service here IN town, not to mention out in the rainforest.</p>
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<p>People please, take care. DO NOT go hiking alone, do NOT do stupid things and for the love of all things holy, please ... wear the proper gear while cycling and hiking.</p>
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<p></p>What is Nostalgia?tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2016-07-28:3404507:BlogPost:11457022016-07-28T20:01:09.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p><span class="font-size-4">For me, it's a memory of the past that is pleasant and spreads warmth throughout my whole body.</span></p>
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<p><span class="font-size-4">One such thing is the wedding band on my finger. Another is a dried flower that Esme had in her hair on our wedding day which is laminated and tucked into one of my journals. The items I find nostalgic don't always have to be anything of monetary value. As a matter of fact, most of them would be deemed worthless to any…</span></p>
<p><span class="font-size-4">For me, it's a memory of the past that is pleasant and spreads warmth throughout my whole body.</span></p>
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<p><span class="font-size-4">One such thing is the wedding band on my finger. Another is a dried flower that Esme had in her hair on our wedding day which is laminated and tucked into one of my journals. The items I find nostalgic don't always have to be anything of monetary value. As a matter of fact, most of them would be deemed worthless to any passer-by. For me, they are priceless and ignite memories which are buried or fading away. <br/>For my kind, our memories go only so far. To prevent myself from forgetting, I keep a journal. My journals are my most precious possessions. They contain everything that I hold dearly. We remember the big events a lot easier than small ones but so often it's the small things that matter most. I am one who documents much of his life in order to never forget. I believe my biggest fear is, aside from losing my family, losing my precious memories.</span></p>It's nearing that time...tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2015-03-28:3404507:BlogPost:10738922015-03-28T14:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Edward and I stumbled upon a conversation last night which was a difficult one to address. We have both been noticing that we're being looked at a little harder these days by our colleagues. While Edward is quite good at making himself age ever so slightly, I have not had such luck. Esme and I first started to discuss this a couple years ago but the mere thought is heartbreaking to her and I decided to let it sit. It's come to the realization that it's getting too close to just…</p>
<p>Edward and I stumbled upon a conversation last night which was a difficult one to address. We have both been noticing that we're being looked at a little harder these days by our colleagues. While Edward is quite good at making himself age ever so slightly, I have not had such luck. Esme and I first started to discuss this a couple years ago but the mere thought is heartbreaking to her and I decided to let it sit. It's come to the realization that it's getting too close to just ignore. </p>
<p>The Cullens need to start thinking about moving.</p>
<p>I know this is a huge decision and one that we will have to make together, as a family. We are of the mindset that no one is to be left behind and at this time, with Renesme being fully grown and under the protection of Jacob and the rest of the Quileute family, it is crucial that we stay together for the sake of safety. <br/> Esme and I have tossed around a few scenarios. Perhaps we will simply trade residences with the Denali. This will keep the Quileute shape shifters in balance. Perhaps we will move to northern BC and keep a stern watch on things in Forks. We have toyed with the idea that Jasper and Alice or Rose and Emmett could stay behind to keep the balance with the Quileutes. There are many possibilities that we will be discussing over the next months. <br/> The hardest part, of course, will be leaving Renesmee behind. I don't know if Edward and Bella are truly prepared to do so. I don't honestly know if I am....<br/></p>Fragiletag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2014-07-27:3404507:BlogPost:10548932014-07-27T20:37:49.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Every day I am reminded of the fragility of human life. Today it hits home a little harder than usual because of familial circumstances. The Black family has been integrated into our family and because of Jacob's and Renesmee's relationship we are a true family. Blood is not all that makes a family bond. Today the infant daughter of Tiffany and Billy Black is in my care. She is 2 months premature and her lungs are not yet mature. She is on a ventilator and will be for at least a few days…</p>
<p>Every day I am reminded of the fragility of human life. Today it hits home a little harder than usual because of familial circumstances. The Black family has been integrated into our family and because of Jacob's and Renesmee's relationship we are a true family. Blood is not all that makes a family bond. Today the infant daughter of Tiffany and Billy Black is in my care. She is 2 months premature and her lungs are not yet mature. She is on a ventilator and will be for at least a few days until the medications that were given to her at birth will help speed the maturity of her lungs.<br/>Tiffany, of course, is trying to be as strong as she can but she doubts herself and blames herself for her daughter's premature birth. These things happen to a lot of women; some bodies take to pregnancy better than others. It's a fact. I don't recommend that she become pregnant again. I don't know if she will heed my advice but it has been given and I wish her and Billy the best of luck with their new daughter.</p>
<p>Aerie is not out of the woods yet. Her lungs are not mature and she's unable to breathe unassisted. This can cause some short term issues such as apnea as well as infant reflux. She will be under my watchful eye until the day she is discharged from the hospital. I will look after her as if she is my own child. She is family, regardless of whether by blood or not, they are now part of my family.</p>
<p></p>Something is just not right...tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2014-04-24:3404507:BlogPost:10487132014-04-24T22:00:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>I'm on edge.</p>
<p>Something is just not right. I cannot pinpoint it and it's starting to drive me a little bit mad. I have that uneasy feeling that we're being watched yet when I go patrol the area, there is nothing. Not a scent, not a leaf out of place, not a sound that I have not heard before. I need to discuss this with the others. I need to know if anyone has seen or heard anything unusual. Perhaps I am simply in need of a change of scenery and should take Esme and go visit with our…</p>
<p>I'm on edge.</p>
<p>Something is just not right. I cannot pinpoint it and it's starting to drive me a little bit mad. I have that uneasy feeling that we're being watched yet when I go patrol the area, there is nothing. Not a scent, not a leaf out of place, not a sound that I have not heard before. I need to discuss this with the others. I need to know if anyone has seen or heard anything unusual. Perhaps I am simply in need of a change of scenery and should take Esme and go visit with our Denali cousins. I don't know... I don't feel right leaving when I have this feeling of being watched.<br/></p>
<p>I have had this feeling once before. It was when Alistair had decided to visit and then at the last minute he changed his mind and stayed locally in the forest for a few days before Emmett found him and convinced him to visit. I believe he was happy that he did. Hmm that makes me think. Perhaps is IS Alistair who is lurking about, undecided as to whether he should visit or not. I'll see what I can find.<br/> <br/> I don't like the uneasy feeling... It's got me on edge and I must find out what's causing it.</p>Memories of Volterratag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2014-01-11:3404507:BlogPost:10393102014-01-11T21:32:57.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Volterra in the summer, olive trees scent the horizon as tourists voices ring in <br></br> the air. I sit in my chamber, looking thru the lead glass pane, contemplating my <br></br> very existence. People pass below, winding through the gardens. Some will live <br></br> to see another sunrise, some won't even live to see tonight's sunset as Heidi <br></br> slithers through the maze, hand picking the first course for dinner tonight.<br></br> My presence is always requested for meals and I oblige, though I have…</p>
<p>Volterra in the summer, olive trees scent the horizon as tourists voices ring in <br/> the air. I sit in my chamber, looking thru the lead glass pane, contemplating my <br/> very existence. People pass below, winding through the gardens. Some will live <br/> to see another sunrise, some won't even live to see tonight's sunset as Heidi <br/> slithers through the maze, hand picking the first course for dinner tonight.<br/> My presence is always requested for meals and I oblige, though I have never <br/> partaken. I know that Aro thinks that one day curiosity or bloodlust will take <br/> me over but I am strong, my will is absolute. <br/> Screams flood down through the sound tight stone corridors. I look away as they <br/> feed, clenching my fists, gritting my teeth, wanting to run far away into the <br/> deep, secluded forest yet something keeps me here... something I can't explain, <br/> something I can't quite figure out.<br/> Mealtime is rather quick, I ask to be excused as Aro smirking, watches me slink <br/> out the door, down the hall back to my chamber. Upon entering, I spot a leather <br/> bound book on my desk. I pick it up, smelling the newness of the leather, <br/> feeling the soft, textured parchment. It's Blank. A small note falls out as I <br/> flip through the pages. <br/> "Carlisle, for your anecdotes - Chelsea"<br/> A smile crosses my face. She's one reason I stay here, her heart warms me. Yes I <br/> know how cliche for me to speak of hearts. I know that ours are now still but we <br/> still feel emotion that wells from the very spot that once beat.</p>
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<p><tt> </tt></p>Letter Home 1943tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2013-04-01:3404507:BlogPost:10145952013-04-01T02:04:09.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p></p>
<p>1943</p>
<p>My Dear Esme<br></br>It has been a long time since I had an opportunity of writing to you, and I gladly avail myself of the present opportunity. Here I am to write a few lines and try and get it sent off to let you know that I am among the living.</p>
<p>We have been on a raid but I have not had time to give you the particulars of our trip. I will write in a few days if I can get a chance and write you a long one. I've been tending a soldier who's quite sick. My unit captured…</p>
<p></p>
<p>1943</p>
<p>My Dear Esme<br/>It has been a long time since I had an opportunity of writing to you, and I gladly avail myself of the present opportunity. Here I am to write a few lines and try and get it sent off to let you know that I am among the living.</p>
<p>We have been on a raid but I have not had time to give you the particulars of our trip. I will write in a few days if I can get a chance and write you a long one. I've been tending a soldier who's quite sick. My unit captured a good many prisoners while here and seen quite few losses. We fought nearly all day on Sunday two weeks ago today. The Germans boasted that we would never get out alive but they were badly mistaken, for we are back again and have sustained but very light loss, we never lost a man out of our company and only one or two out of the regiment. I wish I had time to give you a full description of our trip. It would be very interesting for you I know; but you will have to put up with this little scrawl for the present. I am in hopes that I will get a whole package of letters from you in a few days. I never wanted to see you half as bad in all my life as I do now. I would give anything in the world to see you and Edward. I have no idea when I will have that pleasure. We can't get any news here - do not know what is going on in the outside world. The boys will all write as soon as they get a chance to send them off.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 13px;">They are sending letters off in the morning, I must close no for fear that I may not get this letter off in time. Write often, I will get eventually. I will write every chance I get. Please do not be uneasy when you do not get letters, for when we are scouting around as we have been it is impossible to write or to send them off. Give my love to Edward and our friends.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 13px;">Sending my love and a thousand kisses to you, my sweet Esme. How my heart yearns for you! Know that you are so near and dear to me. Goodbye for now, my dear wife.</span></p>
<p>As ever your devoted and loving Husband, Captain Carlisle S. Cullen</p>Doctors Without Borderstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-12-29:3404507:BlogPost:9819052012-12-29T20:41:26.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>In the early 1990s I was fortunate enough to be asked by <a href="http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/" target="_blank">Doctors Without Borders</a>, to travel to Kenya where I worked with a team of medical professionals to create and maintain a medical clinic for 18 months. I learned a lot in that time about people. Those I worked with were so free and giving of themselves that it restored my hope for humanity and I believe it strengthened my skills as a physician. Yes, I have practiced…</p>
<p>In the early 1990s I was fortunate enough to be asked by <a href="http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/" target="_blank">Doctors Without Borders</a>, to travel to Kenya where I worked with a team of medical professionals to create and maintain a medical clinic for 18 months. I learned a lot in that time about people. Those I worked with were so free and giving of themselves that it restored my hope for humanity and I believe it strengthened my skills as a physician. Yes, I have practiced medicine for many years but in that 18 month time frame, I believe I learned more than in all of my previous years combined.<br/>If anyone wishes to donate to <a href="http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/" target="_blank">Doctors Without Borders</a>, they are ALWAYS in need of funds. </p>
<p>They are in desperate need of medical professionals of all ares of expertise. Please, if you want to make a difference and are in the medical field, I ask you to take a look at your life. Do you want to expand your horizons? Do you want to make a difference? YOU CAN and WILL.</p>
<p>Thank you to whomever asked me this question. I am proud to have worked with <a href="http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/" target="_blank">Doctors Without Borders</a> and encourage any/all who are in the medical field to do the same.</p>The curse of being giftedtag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-11-24:3404507:BlogPost:9681592012-11-24T13:32:21.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>I have slowly been digitizing my journals and as I have done so, I have re-read them and refreshed some of the memories that had left me, long ago. I think back to my time with the Volturi and I have to admit that some of my memories of that time bring a smile to my face. Looking back to those times I realize how fortunate I am to have been allowed to venture out back on my own. I can thank my lack of holding a 'gift' for that. I held little use to Aro. He found amusement with my intellect,…</p>
<p>I have slowly been digitizing my journals and as I have done so, I have re-read them and refreshed some of the memories that had left me, long ago. I think back to my time with the Volturi and I have to admit that some of my memories of that time bring a smile to my face. Looking back to those times I realize how fortunate I am to have been allowed to venture out back on my own. I can thank my lack of holding a 'gift' for that. I held little use to Aro. He found amusement with my intellect, sure, but I could offer him no more than that and proved useless to him. My leaving was not difficult on him what so ever. The Volturi way of life was not for me. I am very much a family oriented individual and the 'family' feel is definitely not one that I felt in the Volturi Coven. I felt trapped, unable to express myself and so very structured, even more so than a military facility. For me, it was hell. Aro, Marcus and Caius had their ideas of how things worked and how they were to be run and that wasn't exactly how I saw things. While I was gracious and appreciative for the time I spent with them, I learned a lot about myself, I knew it was a short term arrangement and that I would leave as soon as I knew exactly what it was I needed and wanted from this 'life'. I often wonder if Jane and Alec would stay if given the choice. Aro makes it appear as if we were all free to leave at will. It was made painfully obvious to us that it simply not the case. When I met Aro and was invited to meet his 'family' , I graciously accepted. I felt it would be an opportunity to see how things worked in an organized coven. I had nothing to lose. Upon arrival to Volterra, I was treated as a noble guest, I was offered luxury after luxury; fine clothes, a modern (for those times) room and a library that was all mine. It was very convincing. Who wouldn't want to stay?</p>
<p>Aro felt great pleasure with my company. My intellect was appealing to him, my love of puzzles and games also fit right in with his interests. I think I was a playmate for him more than anything else. After time, He and the other 'Masters' fell into a sense of comfort in my company and were more free with with their conversations around me. The facade was wearing off and I began to see what they really were. Beneath the posh and cultured exteriors dwelled horrific monsters ready to plough through anything or anyone that stood in their way.</p>
<p>Felix brought in one of the lesser guards. His name was Bruno and his gift of blocking one's senses, was useful to Aro but apparently not useful enough. Bruno expressed an interest in leaving the guard. Aro, ever so charming, approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "My dear, Bruno you are most welcome to leave at any time you wish." He simply tilted his head, ever so slightly and turned to walk back to his throne. Felix took Bruno's head instantly. I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed hard. Aro looked at me and said, "You see, Carlisle, I can't have him running around with a gift like that. He might have decided to use it against us and we couldn't have that, now could we?" Aro snapped his fingers and 2 other guardsmen entered the room and took the body. Aro and Caius resumed their game of Cribbage. Marcus and Caius did not so much as flinch.</p>
<p>I remained with them only long enough to learn how to live under their radar. I had forged many friendships during my time with the Volturi, it was not easy to leave those relationships behind but I knew that if I was going to get what I needed from this existence, I needed to do it on my own. A few decades passed and I told Aro of my intent to leave, he seemed genuinely disappointed with my decision but granted me my freedom. I know that the only thing that saved me from certain death was that I was useless to him.</p>
<p>Knowing what I wanted from this life, I set out to find myself and along the way I have found others who feel as I do. We have existed true to our beliefs and have successfully steered clear of the Volturi until rather recently. Aro has a collection' of gifted vampires and he covets my family member's gifts and I believe he feels threatened by our coven. We are not interested in joining the Volturi and pose no threat to them but his impatience grows stronger and stronger with each passing moment. He will not stop until he gets what he wants. It is truly only a matter of time before they return once again to demand that which they covet. We will stand firm and fight for the freedom that we cherish. Rest assured, none of us will ever, willingly, join the Volturi.</p>Just a silhouettetag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-09-27:3404507:BlogPost:1378932012-09-27T16:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>I remember several times that my father took me with him when he went out to do his clergy duties. I remember one particular time a little clearer than most of the others because I wrote it down in a journal. I was 17 and he had told me that I am now old enough to learn about death. My father was an intense man, his famous line was, "Life is too short for pleasantries and nonsense" His work was serious and he didn't take kindly to any messing around. My memories of him are sketchy at best…</p>
<p>I remember several times that my father took me with him when he went out to do his clergy duties. I remember one particular time a little clearer than most of the others because I wrote it down in a journal. I was 17 and he had told me that I am now old enough to learn about death. My father was an intense man, his famous line was, "Life is too short for pleasantries and nonsense" His work was serious and he didn't take kindly to any messing around. My memories of him are sketchy at best but I see his figure clearly, silhouetted against the night sky holding a staff with a golden cross at the top. My diaries refresh my memory when it fails me. I kept, and still do, an on-going diary of things which strike me as important. Some of my diaries are filled with good memories of family time, things I've learned or discovered and celebrations. There are, however, more entries which paint darkness and despair.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I smelled death. That pungent, sickening scent that turns the stomach at a mere whiff. Quickly I covered my mouth and nose to try block it out but the smell was so strong it knocked me off of my feet. I fell to my knees, gasping for fresh air and felt my collar being tugged. Immediately I was lifted to my feet and scolded by my father. His silhouette was huge against the night sky, nothing but the light of the moon illuminating him, making him look larger than life. The sight of him was breathtaking and terrifying. I coughed and sputtered, 'I'm sorry, Father. Forgive me" I wiped the mud from my pants and straightened my coat. "The smell, I just..."</p>
<p>"SILENCE!" His voice boomed and echoed across the empty field. My eyes widened and I stood, feeling small and alone next to a pile of bodies. "Just stand back" He ordered. I did as I was told, watching as he lit the twigs around the circle of bodies. Doctor Bradshaw said the fever swept through our village claiming the lives of 2 families and our elderly neighbor, Mr. Newell. We tended to the burial duties as Doctor Bradshaw, my father and myself all were exposed to the fever on several occasions. Our immunity seemed stronger than most. As the clergy for our community, my father wore several hats, so to speak. Minister, Counselor, Nurse, Advisor and grave digger. I have never seen my father sit idle a day in his life. Not even when he's feeling under the weather. He never stops. Doctor Bradshaw said that he has been non-stop since the very moment my mother died. He told me that he never even took time to grieve. He hasn't stopped moving for 17 years.<br/></p>
<p>The smoke rose from the fire, making it difficult to see. The musky stench made me cough and gag. I saw my father glare at me from the corner of his eye. He never once even cleared his throat. I felt small and weak next to his faux-huking silhouette. The combination of his cloak, the smoke and the moonlight cast a huge disfigured shadow resembling that of a monster. We stood in silence as the flames danced and popped. A log shifted and one of the bodies slid from the pile. It was then I knew. A glint of light reflected from a necklace on one of the victims. I saw the teeth marks as clear as if it was day. These were no victims of the Fever. They were victims of a vampire.</p>
<p></p>
<p></p>Darknesstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-08-31:3404507:BlogPost:9471322012-08-31T03:30:02.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Immortality.</p>
<p>With immortality comes much more than you could ever know. Imagine a day that simply never ends. No sleep, no dreams, no fresh beginning to a new day. It all blends into one giant mass of time. On occasion, not so very often, do I find myself standing at the window gazing out daydreaming about growing old. I then look in the mirror and see myself, exactly the same as I was in the mid 1600s. Untouched by time, gravity and life. It's a stark reminder of loss.</p>
<p>I'm…</p>
<p>Immortality.</p>
<p>With immortality comes much more than you could ever know. Imagine a day that simply never ends. No sleep, no dreams, no fresh beginning to a new day. It all blends into one giant mass of time. On occasion, not so very often, do I find myself standing at the window gazing out daydreaming about growing old. I then look in the mirror and see myself, exactly the same as I was in the mid 1600s. Untouched by time, gravity and life. It's a stark reminder of loss.</p>
<p>I'm sure you are wondering what I'm talking about. I refer to the loss of family, friends and my human roots. Because of our secret we can not keep friendships for long, we must move with frequency to hide what and who we are. If we remain untouched by time for too long, we risk being detected. We choose to exist as normal as possible, and thus suffer more loss than most who are like we are. We make friends and forge relationships with the humans we work with and live among but sadly those relationships are short lived and must be severed within a few years. This causes emotional pain and stress on all involved yet without them we are empty shells. It's a Catch 22 really, damned if we do, damned if we don't so we press onward, trying as often as possible to live in the moment and block out the realization that it will all come to an end, much faster than we know.</p>
<p></p>4th of July Traditiontag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-07-05:3404507:BlogPost:9305692012-07-05T17:29:04.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Within each family there are usually heirlooms and traditions which are passed from generation to generation. Our family is no exception. Sure, we have a little different dynamics than usual but the love and respect we have for each other is as normal as any other. <br></br>Esme and I have a special tradition that we never want to let go of. Each year we make the short trip to Forks for the…</p>
<p>Within each family there are usually heirlooms and traditions which are passed from generation to generation. Our family is no exception. Sure, we have a little different dynamics than usual but the love and respect we have for each other is as normal as any other. <br/>Esme and I have a special tradition that we never want to let go of. Each year we make the short trip to Forks for the <a href="http://www.forkswa.com/files/PDF/2012%20Forks%20Old%20Fashioned%204th%20of%20July%20Schedule.pdf" target="_blank">Old Fashioned 4th of July celebration</a> down town then we head to Tillicum Park for music and fireworks. We've done this for many, many years and I made a promise to my wife that no matter where we may be, we will always return 'home' to Forks for the 4th of July.</p>With Every Breath I Taketag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-06-11:3404507:BlogPost:9121392012-06-11T02:33:15.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"></br><span>I think of you with every breath I take,</span><br></br><span>And every breath becomes a sigh.</span><br></br><span>Not a sigh of despair</span><br></br><span>But a sigh that I care for you.</span><br></br><br></br><span>I hear your name with every breath I take,</span><br></br><span>On every breeze that wanders by.</span><br></br><span>And your name is a song</span><br></br><span>I'll remember the long years through.</span><br></br><br></br><span>Even though I walk alone you guide…</span></p>
<p><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"/><span>I think of you with every breath I take,</span><br/><span>And every breath becomes a sigh.</span><br/><span>Not a sigh of despair</span><br/><span>But a sigh that I care for you.</span><br/><br/><span>I hear your name with every breath I take,</span><br/><span>On every breeze that wanders by.</span><br/><span>And your name is a song</span><br/><span>I'll remember the long years through.</span><br/><br/><span>Even though I walk alone you guide me,</span><br/><span>In the darkness you light my way.</span><br/><span>And all the while inside me,</span><br/><span>Love seems to say, "some day, some day".</span><br/><br/><span>And when I sleep you keep my heart awake,</span><br/><span>But when I wake from dreams divine,</span><br/><span>Every breath that I take, is a prayer that I'll make you mine. </span><br/><br/><span>"Some day, some day,"</span><br/><span>And when I sleep you keep my heart awake,</span><br/><span>And when I wake from dreams divine,</span><br/><span>Every breath that I take, is a prayer that I'll make you mine.</span></p>
<p><span> </span></p>I was asked a few questions anonymously...tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-05-29:3404507:BlogPost:9076922012-05-29T14:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p></p>
<p>Question:<br></br> "What is it like putting down the syringe, <br></br> and sitting at your patient's bedside, concluding that there is nothing <br></br> else to do? How do you feel when you have to quit, although you want to <br></br> continue on?"<br></br>Answer:</p>
<p><strong>Defeated.</strong></p>
<p>After all is said and done and there is no more that I can do, defeat hits me and I have to accept what is.<br></br> I always think, "What if". I suppose a lot of that is quite humanistic, is it not? I…</p>
<p></p>
<p>Question:<br/> "What is it like putting down the syringe, <br/> and sitting at your patient's bedside, concluding that there is nothing <br/> else to do? How do you feel when you have to quit, although you want to <br/> continue on?"<br/>Answer:</p>
<p><strong>Defeated.</strong></p>
<p>After all is said and done and there is no more that I can do, defeat hits me and I have to accept what is.<br/> I always think, "What if". I suppose a lot of that is quite humanistic, is it not? I mean Guilt, defeat, frustration and a whole lot of 'what ifs'.<br/> The thought of giving new life to he or she who is fading is always a thought in the back of my mind but I know that this life is not for everyone and that giving new life, so to speak, is not the answer. <br/> Defeat and Guilt are human emotions but ones such as myself are not immune to that part of our humanity. We do carry a lot of human traits over when we transform. I find comfort knowing that part of me is still very humanistic.<br/>When I lose a patient I am humbled and reminded that even though I am what I am, I am no better than anyone else.</p>
<p>Question:<br/> "And lastly, how was it when death finally took them? When the light <br/> left their eyes, their heart stopped, and their breathing stopped.<br/> Because you were "in" WWII, I'd like to know so very much what you saw."</p>
<p>Answer:</p>
<p>When holding the hand of someone who is just about to let go, you can feel the energy slowly diminishing. Their face becomes peaceful and you can actually see the very moment that they let go. It's both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because you know that they are finally resting peacefully yet heartbreaking because death feels so final. Sitting bedside with a dying soldier is the most humbling experience I believe anyone could ever experience. They are in the predicament they are in because they selflessly gave of themselves to serve their country and/or save another's life. I don't feel that anything is more noble or honorable than selflessly giving of ones life so that another can live.</p>
<p>Death has many faces but only one outcome. Realizing there is nothing I can do to prevent it is a hard term to come to, no matter how many times it happens.</p>
<p><i><br/></i></p>The Spring Bouquettag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-05-13:3404507:BlogPost:9012432012-05-13T02:41:38.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>As I walked along a dusty path<br></br>I saw a fleck of blue <br></br>And tucked beneath a Douglas Fir <br></br>These flowers grew for you <br></br><br></br>I only picked a handful <br></br>I left more than I took <br></br>A perfect little blue bouquet <br></br>To decorate a nook <br></br><br></br>I rushed right home to tie a bow <br></br>Of perfect green and blue <br></br>To fall into your loving arms<br></br>And hand them straight to you</p>
<p></p>
<p>Eternally Yours, Carlisle Cullen, MD 2012/5.12…</p>
<p>As I walked along a dusty path<br/>I saw a fleck of blue <br/>And tucked beneath a Douglas Fir <br/>These flowers grew for you <br/><br/>I only picked a handful <br/>I left more than I took <br/>A perfect little blue bouquet <br/>To decorate a nook <br/><br/>I rushed right home to tie a bow <br/>Of perfect green and blue <br/>To fall into your loving arms<br/>And hand them straight to you</p>
<p></p>
<p>Eternally Yours, Carlisle Cullen, MD 2012/5.12<a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210686?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150210686?profile=original" width="382" class="align-center"/></a></p>Love Letter to my wife - 13th April, 2012tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-04-14:3404507:BlogPost:8893122012-04-14T15:04:21.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p><span>My darling,</span></p>
<div>It's 9 o'clock in the morning and I must confess, all my thoughts are of you. Work was almost unbearable last night, we had 3 motor vehicle traumas at once. We managed to save them all. It happened around 9:30pm. I feel like time snapped in an instant with the rush of it all and here I sit, home alone this morning pining for you. It's nights like that which bring things into focus for me. I love you more than anything in this world and could not, would not…</div>
<p><span>My darling,</span></p>
<div>It's 9 o'clock in the morning and I must confess, all my thoughts are of you. Work was almost unbearable last night, we had 3 motor vehicle traumas at once. We managed to save them all. It happened around 9:30pm. I feel like time snapped in an instant with the rush of it all and here I sit, home alone this morning pining for you. It's nights like that which bring things into focus for me. I love you more than anything in this world and could not, would not exist without you. </div>
<div>Time spent with you is never wasted, always cherished and forever engraved in my memory. As I try to unwind from the night's events, my mind wanders back in time when our love was just blossoming. Somehow those days seem so much more simple than today. I'd love to go back, for just a day, and relive one day with you. Do you ever sit daydreaming and just want to go back? </div>
<div>I miss you, and yearn for your touch,</div>
<div>Forever yours. </div>
<div>Carlisle</div>George, Nicholas and Josephtag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2012-02-02:3404507:BlogPost:8557362012-02-02T17:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p style="text-align: center;">*Copyright CullensOnline 2/2/2012 - No part may be used without written consent of the author*</p>
<p>The winter of my sixth year changed my life forever. It's the year we went from a family of two to a family of five. <br></br> It was a particularly rough winter, fever had run rampant through father's congregation taking lives in an alarming rate. My father spent many a night away sitting bedside with dying congregants. I learned to fend for myself a lot that…</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">*Copyright CullensOnline 2/2/2012 - No part may be used without written consent of the author*</p>
<p>The winter of my sixth year changed my life forever. It's the year we went from a family of two to a family of five. <br/> It was a particularly rough winter, fever had run rampant through father's congregation taking lives in an alarming rate. My father spent many a night away sitting bedside with dying congregants. I learned to fend for myself a lot that winter. Neither Father nor myself had ever had sickness. He said that we were blessed by the Holy One with strength against sickness. I never gave it much thought until I was much older and realized that in fact, we were simply nothing more than lucky.</p>
<p>Father's close friends, Bernard and Elinor, came down with the fever. Their four boys and two girls also fell ill. It was tragic. I saw the weight of father's helplessness etched on his face. He'd return home after tending the sick and simply fall into his chair. I tried my best to keep the house tidy and prepare what little I knew how but he simply had no energy to even acknowledge my existence. The bowl of soup I placed before him went uneaten as he fell asleep mere seconds after sitting. <br/> I fetched a blanket, covered him, put the soup back in the pot and crept into my own bed. At six years old I was already doing the work of a 12 year old. The days were short, there was much work to be done. I was up and outside in the small barn milking our 2 cows by 4 AM. The chickens were fed and eggs gathered by 5:15. Father's breakfast was on the table by 5:30 and he was off to tend the sick by 6am. It's just the way it was. No questions asked, rarely any exchange of communication. We lived our lives as we had to, mostly in silence. </p>
<p>On February 15th, Bernard & Elinor White's daughter Agnes died of the fever. She was three years old. Father returned home, spoke very little and went to his room to prepare a sermon. He was losing congregation members every day. It seemed that the fever was determined to bring my father to his knees & wipe out his congregation.That night I started coughing. I tried to hide it from my father but he heard me and appeared in my doorway. He questioned me and I assured him I felt fine. He knelt by my bedside and placed his hand against my forehead. He didn't have to say a word. I saw it all over his face. I had the fever. He quickly bundled me up and carried me to the White's residence. His thought was that he could care for us all there rather than back and forth. It happened all of a sudden; I felt the sickness take hold and I couldn't fight it. I heard my father pleading and coaxing me saying, "stay with me, son" but I could'nt. I succumbed to disorientation and dizziness and let go. It was the most insistent thing I had ever experienced. It was insisting I sleep, insisting I cough, insisting I give up. At first it felt good to obey, I was exhausted, light headed and so cold. I just wanted relief. It promised me relief if I'd only let go.<br/> I heard someone sobbing, a woman. I didn't know where I was but the sobbing was enough to jolt me from my delirious state. For a moment my mind cleared and I saw my father holding Mrs. White's hand. She begged him to care for her children and not send them to the orphanage should she succumb to the fever. My father stood over Mr. White and pulled the blanket over his head, nodding in silent promise. I knew what had happened. My heart began to race, I felt my body shaking violently. Mr. White had died and I was not about to let that happen to me. I started to cough, the shaking grew more violent and when I tried to speak the only sound was the barking cough that ripped at my throat and chest. I fought with every ounce of my being, I would not sleep, I could not. I knew if I did, I would not wake. I rallied my mind, wrestled with exhaustion and didn't give in. <br/> Mrs. White's sobs grew louder as I watched my father cover two more still bodies. Her eldest daughter Elizabeth and new born son Eli both died that night within moments of each other. How cruel was this illness to take the lives of so many in such short time? The fear of my own mortality began to rise, I felt surges of energy shoot through me which I later realized were adrenaline rushes. Though I was unable to move, I was conscious. When the urge to sleep washed over me, I fought even harder.</p>
<p>The minutes that passed seemed more like hours. I lost all concept of time. I think I fell asleep because my body shook with a violent jolt and I saw my father pulling the blanket up. I grabbed his wrist and he startled. He apologized for startling me and explained that he had some business to attend (the bodies of the most recently departed). I nodded, still unable to muster enough energy to speak. I watched the room illuminate with the rising of the sun. Father had propped the windows open to keep the flow of air moving. The fireplace had been roaring with so much effort yet the flames had no affect on the room's temperature. It was so cold but anything was better than breathing the stale, tainted air of the sick.</p>
<p>My eyes scanned the silent room, Mrs. White's sobs had stopped and her three boys, George, Nicholas and Joseph were sleeping. My father returned with 3 men and they took Mr. White, Agnes and Eli from the room. The older boys stirred with the commotion but Mrs.White remained still. My father had been so busy tending the others that he hadn't noticed Mrs.White had passed away during the night. The men woke the boys and delivered the news, they were now orphans and when they recovered, they would be sent to the orphanage. My father interjected and assured the boys that no such thing would happen. The boys would live with us from now on.</p>
<p></p>
<p> </p>Pearl Harbor Remembrance Daytag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-12-08:3404507:BlogPost:8251042011-12-08T02:31:54.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212448?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212448?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="750"></img></a></p>
<p></p>
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<p>Wednesday 7th, December 1941</p>
<p>I remember it well. The news hit us fast and we were all in a state of disbelief. Was this a joke? A mistake? Surely we weren’t so vulnerable that they could just sneak in, destroy the entire fleet and get out before we knew what hit us. <br></br><br></br>It was no joke. The Japanese had launched a full out attack on our…</p>
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<p></p>
<p></p>
<p>Wednesday 7th, December 1941</p>
<p>I remember it well. The news hit us fast and we were all in a state of disbelief. Was this a joke? A mistake? Surely we weren’t so vulnerable that they could just sneak in, destroy the entire fleet and get out before we knew what hit us. <br/><br/>It was no joke. The Japanese had launched a full out attack on our ships in Pearl Harbor. Sadly they made the biggest mistake of their country’s existence. More than 2,400 Americans were killed that morning and more than 1,100 were wounded. This act led us to officially enter the war on 8th December, 1941. </p>
<p>December 7th is now a day to reflect the tragedy that befell our great country. Though we were wounded severely, it was not a mortal wound. We stand together on this day to remember those who fought and who still stand strong to defend our freedom.</p>
<p>God Bless the USA.</p>Without You I am an Incomplete Man in Need of Wholenesstag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-11-26:3404507:BlogPost:8205912011-11-26T20:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Darling Esme,</p>
<p></p>
<p>I have existed for a long time not answering to anyone, dependent on nothing and committed to only myself. During that time, I felt as though the world was mine for the taking and truly believed that I was experiencing life to the fullest. Then, you came along and all of a sudden, I realized that was all a clever facade.</p>
<p>My love, without you I am an incomplete man in search of wholeness. I find that my existence was not all that I thought it was. In fact,…</p>
<p>Darling Esme,</p>
<p></p>
<p>I have existed for a long time not answering to anyone, dependent on nothing and committed to only myself. During that time, I felt as though the world was mine for the taking and truly believed that I was experiencing life to the fullest. Then, you came along and all of a sudden, I realized that was all a clever facade.</p>
<p>My love, without you I am an incomplete man in search of wholeness. I find that my existence was not all that I thought it was. In fact, it was lacking in a great many things, the first being love. By following fate I have found love and along with it the one being who has made my life truly complete.</p>
<p>Esme, you are she whom I have fallen completely and undeniably in love with. I never thought I would ever utter those words, but ever since I first held you in my arms they come forth effortlessly and with great meaning. I’ll be forever grateful to you for showing me how full my existence can be…. Now I truly know that it has great depth meaning and purpose.</p>
<p>Eternally devoted to you, Carlisle</p>I send to you, across the miles...tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-11-21:3404507:BlogPost:8182962011-11-21T00:38:42.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p style="text-align: left;">My Darling Esme,…<br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"></br></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">My Darling Esme,<br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">It is very important for me to express to you how much I love you. I wish I could do this in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes. But since we are physically separated by miles of emptiness, this expression must come via</span><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"> </span><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">letters</span><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"> such as this.</span><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated for any amount of time. Even a mere 8 hour work day seems like an eternity when we're apart. Life seems to be full of trials which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, it is genuine, it grows stronger with each assault upon its existence.</span><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">Our love has been assaulted many times. The longer I am away from you, the greater is my need to be with you again. You are my heart, and I am eternally devoted to you. I cherish any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind and live for the moment when our physical </span><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">separation will no longer be.</span><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate of kisses.</span><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">Eternally yours</span>,<br style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"/><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">Carlisle</span></p>The White Hawktag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-10-13:3404507:BlogPost:7942602011-10-13T22:21:12.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212416?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212416?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721"></img></a></p>
Imagine my delight as I gazed up from my perch high atop a tree in the north east corner of the Hoh Rainforest here in Clallam county. She is a Red Tail Hawk. She is not a pure albino but is classified under the term, 'Leucism'. Leucism is a term many consider more accurate than “partial albino.” A true albino would have pink eyes and pale bill and feet. The feathers on…
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Imagine my delight as I gazed up from my perch high atop a tree in the north east corner of the Hoh Rainforest here in Clallam county. She is a Red Tail Hawk. She is not a pure albino but is classified under the term, 'Leucism'. Leucism is a term many consider more accurate than “partial albino.” A true albino would have pink eyes and pale bill and feet. The feathers on this bird appear to be white except for some very pale buff feathers on her tail Her eyes are not red, but the legs are considerably paler than the yellow legs of a normally-pigmented Red-tail Hawk. <br/> She flew past me seemingly without so much as acknowledging my presence. Her beauty and grace captured my attention and I watched her for quite some time gliding and playing about the cool updrafts. <br/> As she set alight on a branch a few yards from me these words came to mind:<br/> <br/> Soaring through the clouds on weightless wings <br/> Flies the mighty hawk. <br/> His eyes alert, <br/> His senses piqued, <br/> Where will he set alight? <br/> <br/> Far above the earth he soars effortlessly <br/> Wings outstretched to encompass the wind<br/> An exhilarating sight it is to see him <br/> Gliding so high in the sky. <br/> <br/> As he disappears into the distance<br/> I cant help but feel enlightened. <br/> To witness a hawk in flight is<br/> something that brings dreams to life<br/> <a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212654?profile=original"><img width="721" class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150212654?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721"/></a>Paris France, land of love & mystery....tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-10-04:3404507:BlogPost:7899592011-10-04T02:21:33.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>Paris, France. The perfect romantic destination. The Eiffel Tower, Champs Elysees, The Arc du Triomphe all within reach. Or not.</p>
<p>I stand here on Champs Elysees trying to get my wits about me. My mind is a whirl of unrest, angst and worry. My wife, our daughters and friends have been taken to Volterra against their wishes being accused of murders they surely did not commit. I know though, that my boys are more than capable of taking care of the situation while I, along with Liam, Sio,…</p>
<p>Paris, France. The perfect romantic destination. The Eiffel Tower, Champs Elysees, The Arc du Triomphe all within reach. Or not.</p>
<p>I stand here on Champs Elysees trying to get my wits about me. My mind is a whirl of unrest, angst and worry. My wife, our daughters and friends have been taken to Volterra against their wishes being accused of murders they surely did not commit. I know though, that my boys are more than capable of taking care of the situation while I, along with Liam, Sio, Maggie, Demetri and Jane, remain behind to gather evidence that will prove our family and friends innocence.</p>
<p>I find my self distracted by the lights on the Champs Elysees, the lovers walking slowly holding hands whispering sweet nothings in each others ears and the music that leaks from each bar we walk past... all the things Paris is supposed to be. I glance back seeing Liam and Sio holding hands & keeping watch over Maggie. Demetri and Jane walking far behind us discussing whatever orders they have been left with. A place of warmth and fire now seems so cold and empty. I shudder as the thoughts tiptoe across my mind, almost feeling a chill as the pang of emptiness echos and billows into a roaring giant hole inside of me. We have to get the proof that Aro will require in order to prove my family's innocence and that's exactly what we're going to do.</p>A little story about Conflict Resolutiontag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-09-26:3404507:BlogPost:7866152011-09-26T02:30:00.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p>A very wise man once told me,"Being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point -- a higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I try so very hard to live by these words. I admit, sometimes it's not easy. Conflict is all around us. The fact that it affects us is due to OUR acceptance. If we simply accept it, there it is. Learning to embrace it and manipulate it to a positive outcome is what needs to be done. <br></br> It's…</p>
<p>A very wise man once told me,"Being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point -- a higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I try so very hard to live by these words. I admit, sometimes it's not easy. Conflict is all around us. The fact that it affects us is due to OUR acceptance. If we simply accept it, there it is. Learning to embrace it and manipulate it to a positive outcome is what needs to be done. <br/> It's strange to think that conflict is a necessary part of every day life but it is just that. It is a means by which we learn and grow. Each of us has our own knowledge and believes, opinions and desires. It is how we go about sharing those things with others that creates conflict.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Here's a brief story of 2 children unknowingly exercising conflict resolution.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suzy and Johnny want a bouncy ball. They had $1.50 and knew that they could buy ONE bouncy ball and share it. At first the idea was lovely. They both wanted a ball. The goal was simple. They took the money and when they arrived at the store, the conflict began.</p>
<p>Suzy wanted a red bouncy ball and Johnny was adamant about getting a blue one. Their arguing got heated and eventually got them escorted to the door and told that if they could not cooperate, they weren't welcome at the store. They stood outside, arms crossed frowning and blaming the other.</p>
<p>"Well if YOU didn't insist on a RED one we'd have already PAID and been playing with our ball!" Johnny yelled</p>
<p>"Well if YOU didn't insist on a BLUE one we'd have already PAID and been playing with our ball!" Suzy yelled</p>
<p>The store keeper interrupted their screaming match once again stating that if they could not get along, they would need to move off the property. He offered a solution.<br/> "You two need to find a common ground on which you can agree or simply agree to disagree and move on." and with that he disappeared back into the store.</p>
<p>The 2 stood there in silence pondering what the man had said. They thought a while realizing the truth of the matter. If they didn't stop their arguing, they weren't going to get anything at all. They then decided to agree to disagree. They went back inside, looked at the bouncy balls, smiled, turned on their heels and went down another aisle. They picked out a coloring book & a pack of crayons and went to the check out counter.</p>
<p>"What's this? No bouncy ball?" The store keeper asked</p>
<p>They shook their heads "No, we changed our minds" Suzy said</p>
<p>"Yeah, we can share this" Johnny said, "at least this way I can color MY pages any color I want and Suzy can color HER pages any colors she wants"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arguments don't always have to end badly. In fact, they can end well, more often than you know. You just have to rise above it, see the conflict, embrace it and learn to be a creative problem solver.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We can all do this. It's not beyond ANYONE'S means.</p>
<p> </p>JAILED!tag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-07-26:3404507:BlogPost:7017942011-07-26T02:01:50.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p style="text-align: center;">Tonight I got jailed on Twitter for the very first time.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">@AmyRanker stepped in and created a protest poster to get me freed from behind the bars!Thank you, Amy! I think it worked as I'm 'free' once again!</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">~ CC…</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150214784?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-center" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150214784?profile=original" width="330"></img></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Tonight I got jailed on Twitter for the very first time.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">@AmyRanker stepped in and created a protest poster to get me freed from behind the bars!Thank you, Amy! I think it worked as I'm 'free' once again!</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">~ CC</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150214784?profile=original"><img class="align-center" width="330" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3150214784?profile=original"/></a></p>Her Pain, my sufferingtag:thecullensonline.ning.com,2011-07-17:3404507:BlogPost:6907012011-07-17T03:29:26.000ZCarlisle Cullen MDhttp://thecullensonline.ning.com/profile/CarlisleCullenMD
<p style="text-align: left;"><br></br><a href="http://thecullensonline.ning.com/group/currentevents/forum/topics/esme-needs-closure">http://thecullensonline.ning.com/group/currentevents/forum/topics/esme-needs-closure</a></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Some thoughts after my conversation with Esme</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I sit here writing this feeling completely helpless as Esme slips out the back door in search of her own answers under the guise of needing a hunt. She hunted a day or…</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><br/><a href="http://thecullensonline.ning.com/group/currentevents/forum/topics/esme-needs-closure">http://thecullensonline.ning.com/group/currentevents/forum/topics/esme-needs-closure</a></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Some thoughts after my conversation with Esme</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I sit here writing this feeling completely helpless as Esme slips out the back door in search of her own answers under the guise of needing a hunt. She hunted a day or two ago. She simply needs to be alone. I will be honest, I don't like leaving her alone like this but I must respect her wishes to be left to herself for a while. She has much to wrestle with in her mind and the sooner she lets go and succumbs to the fact that she simply needs closure, the better. I want to follow her but I will not go against her wishes. Guilt is robbing her of her joy and it's improperly placed. She has nothing to feel guilty about. I know that she simply needs answers to things that have plagued her memories for decades. It's only fair that she get what she needs and I want to be supportive and help her to see that it's NOT a bad thing to need this. It's natural for all beings to have closure. Even elephants seek closure after the loss of a pack member. If they run across the bones of a deceased pack member they actually coddle and stroke the bones and take their time doing it as if committing their deceased loved one to memory.</p>
<p>Esme needs to know what happened to Charles. He was the bane of her human life. He brought her nothing but pain, suffering and fear and she needs to know what became of the monster that ruled her life for many years. The emotional toll of the unknown is tearing her apart at the seams and I will not stop trying to help her find her way.<br/><br/></p>
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